Christmas is done

The tree is down.  The decorations are put away.  The stocking candy has all been eaten.  I threw out the last crumbs of cookies the other day.

And Nick missed it all. 

Actually, he missed everything from carving our Halloween pumpkins on.  We had found beautiful pumpkins this year, and were going to carve them the afternoon that my boy's mother came and stole him from our house on our weekend.  We never did carve them, and the pumpkins rotted on the steps.

Thanksgiving wasn't too bad, since Nick would have been with his mom this year anyway.

The first week in December, Brian and I realized that it was not likely Nick would be here at all for Christmas.  Instead of hoping for a change of her miserable heart each time he was supposed to be here, and then dealing with the cries and wails of siblings missing their brother, we sat the kids down and told them that Nick would not be here for Christmas.  Yes, it would suck, and no, it was not fair, but there was nothing we could do about it.  We determined to enjoy Christmas and the family we could see and love in person.

I think we did a decent job of it.  But I have to admit, now that everything is put away, I feel a little more dead inside.  I would say peaceful, but it is not a peaceful peace, but more of a resignation to what is and an exhaustion with fighting against what it seems we will never win.

The reality is, Nick is almost 10 years old.  We have been in his life, constantly, consistently, never missed a visit, never had unpaid child support.  And yet, if the judge decides he is old enough to decide for himself, I am pretty sure she's got him brainwashed enough that he'll say he doesn't ever want to come here again.

Our only hope is the judge seeing through her lies.  So...our only hope is God revealing it to the judge, because she was born to lie, that one.  And unfortunately, she's taught Nick well.

I think we're over 30 days of missed visitation now.  I don't have the heart to count, but it's got to be close.  A whole month...