Just another day

Hard plastic toys hurtling through the air, connecting with a sibling or a wall.

Spreading little papers all over the living room and refusing to pick them up.

When made to pick up, shredding the papers and shoving them into his mouth.

Screaming.  Crying.  No, wailing.

Hiding and pooping in his pants.

Pinching, hitting, pushing, throwing.

Refusing to eat anything but carbs.  Throwing his food on the floor.

Attacking baby sister as if he hates her, when I know he doesn't!

Just another day for Levi.  We have had three in a row like that, actually.  I am exhausted and don't know how to help him.  There must be a way...

Four years (and a day)

A day late and a dollar short...Levi's 4th birthday was yesterday!

It was such a busy day! He went to school, and brought his favorite snack (cinnamon bagels with cream cheese!) to share with friends. I had school on both campuses and then rushed home to make the birthday dinner he requested...more bagels. I tried to convince him that he really wanted bagel SANDWICHES like everyone else, but that ended up with egg, sausage, and cheese on the floor and only the bagel in his belly. I should have just listened to him. Ha.  He requested chocolate chip cookies for dessert, and we were all happy to help him eat them!

Yes, I know it's sideways.  Turn your head.

Achievements for the year...we finally ditched the diapers/pullups! We learned that you have sensory processing disorder, and maybe some other alphabet soup diagnosis...but none of that changes who you are to us and in our family. We have learned that different is not bad...just different!

What I love about you...

• You make me laugh.  Every. Single. Day.  You are the funniest kid ever!
• Crash hugs!  Just warn me first...
• Your strong emotions.  There is never a doubt where anyone stands with you!
• Your amazing acrobatic abilities.
• Your awesomely awesomeness!
• You are mine.

I'm so glad I get to be your mom, Levi!  Four is going to be a wonderful year, I just know it!

First week of school for Levi

Day 1...He got up and dressed super quickly.  The bus surprised us by being 15 minutes earlier than we thought, but we were ready!  On the way out the door, we had a little disagreement over him wanting to bring crackers with him in case he didn't like the food there.  He was smiling when he got on the bus...and sobbing when he got off.  He had fallen asleep and woken up in a strange place.  He doesn't wake up well even in a familiar place.  He wouldn't talk about school, though the daily report said he did well.  All I could get out of him was, "I had to sit at a table 5 times and it was NOT fun."  Of course, I didn't push too hard either.  Destressed with Mario, and wouldn't take his coat off until bed time.  Peed in my bed while playing.  This is all new to both of us.

Day 2...Again dressed quickly, surprising me.  He was very excited this morning, so the first day must have been more fun than he let on.  He even got off the bus smiling this time, though still cranky all evening.  School wears him out, even with a nap on the way there and on the way home (1 hour + bus ride!).  Mommy was nervous today, but daily report says he did well.  Destressed again with Mario the second he got home, but I successfully cut it off at half an hour.  Peed in my bed AGAIN...marking his territory?  Mario has to get out of my room!

Day 3...Didn't want to get dressed.  Ah, here is the Levi I am familiar with.  I'm sure there will be some days he goes to school in jammies, but not today.  Also didn't want to wear his boots, "Why do I have to wear boots if I'm inside at school??"  Reminded him that he does sometimes go out at school and we want his piggies to be toasty warm on the bus.  Sneakers are in the backpack.  Three inches of new snow on the way out to the bus convinced him that boots were a good idea.  Nana got him off the bus today, as Brian and I had appointments in Syracuse.  I'm not sure how he did today, as the contents of his backpack were strewn through the house and I couldn't find his daily report.  He pooped in his pants tonight, which he hasn't done in a while.

Day 4..."I have to go to school AGAIN??  I did it every day!"  Still got dressed and got on the bus pretty easily.  Daily report says he did well again.  More than a bit of Mommy guilt floating around today.  How is it that he is marked "happy" every day in school and he is just miserable and destructive at home?  What is wrong with me that I can't make him a happy little boy?  And surely it must make me a bad mom to feel such relief at being able to work with the other kids and not worry about what Levi is into now.  Sigh.  One more school day in this week...oh, and he peed in my bed again.  He hasn't had this many accidents in the past month.

Day 5...Very cranky getting dressed this morning.  And when the bus came, it was a substitute driver AND aide, which worried me, but apparently he did okay.  Daily report says, "He is doing wonderfully!"  I'm glad.  And sad.  I do hope he comes out with the same behaviors we've been dealing with at home.  Will they think we made it all up?  Pooped in his pants again tonight.  Ugh.  I reminded him that there is no school tomorrow; hoping he'll sleep in and catch up on some of his lost sleep.

SATURDAY!!!!  Woke up at 8 and in a very good mood.  He does appear to be learning some things already.  Hannah was pestering him and instead of flying off the handle, he told her, "My teacher says we have to be kind, Hannah, and that was not kind."  It was a rather shocking conversation between the two of them. 


Observations:

• He has had an accident every single day this week.  This has got to be related to school starting, but I have no idea how to deal with it other than hope he adjusts quickly and it stops.
• I am on an emotional rollercoaster, alternately very happy over the decision to send him to school and distraught with my failings as Levi's mom.
• I think 5 days a week is too much for him.  These next two weeks are 4 day weeks, so hopefully that will help with the adjustment.
• We survived the first week.  I survived the first week.

Finding the problem is a huge part of solving it!

I am excited!

Levi has an almost official diagnosis of PDD...sensory processing disorder along with mild autism. 

This has not been an easy process to get through emotionally.  No one wants their kid to be disabled in any way.  No one wants their kid to need help to succeed.  No one likes the thought of their kid being labeled.

BUT!

Now that we have the label, help is on the way!  We're not crazy.  Other people can see what we are seeing, and we agree with their thoughts.  We have a team, a big team, of people who want to help us help Levi.  There are a ton of resources opened up to us with this diagnosis, and probably even more when it becomes official.  We have access to experts in dealing with these kinds of issues.  Experts who have treated and helped lots of children and parents, who have knowledge and tools that Brian and I just don't have.  Yet.

I have signed up for a 3-part workshop on autism offered through a local college (not the one I am enrolled in).  Levi is about to start therapy with a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, and a special education integration teacher (??not sure what this one is yet??).  I have found a monthly support group very close to home.  He will be enrolled in Head Start as soon as possible (which isn't right away...there is a waiting list and 4 year olds go first).

Help is on the way, and I am feeling very optimistic.  I was not feeling this way just a couple days ago.