Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Over-thinking 8/20/12

An old post that couldn't be posted when it was written...thank you, God, for bringing us to a NEW season of life and no more watchers!

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I'm really sick of having to over-think everything.  Life is complicated enough, trying to get everything done that needs to be done in a manner and by a person or people by whom every such thing can be done.  Yes, I am purposely being obscure (and obtuse?) here.

You see, that sheetrock did not do itself.  Of course not.  Apparently however, if I am going to mention something in passing (with which I was seeking to make more of a spiritual application than a literal physical one...again with the obscure...), I need to also make sure to be very specific about what was or wasn't done and by whom.

Or else just not speak/type/write at all.

Someday, this will be done.  Maybe then I can live without people watching my every move again.  Not that it will change one iota of my/our life.  Other than having to deal with deliberate obtusity (is that a word?  it is now.).

In the meantime.  I will not shut up.  I will not go away.  I will not cease to be me.  I will not stop living and talking about my life, either.  For you see, this blog is for me.  It's a somewhat creative outlet.  A journal of sorts.  A history of my life that my loved ones will be able to read long after I am gone. 

It's not about you.  It's not about Brian.  It's about me and about minute connections God allows between my life in the present and an eternal God who knows all things.  And sometimes...it's just about life.  Life as it is.  That's it.  I'm sorry if I forget to explain every detail of life in a way that leaves no one questioning anything ever.  No, scratch that...I'm actually not sorry.  So there.

So now I have a little story to tell you...please don't assume this story is actually about me, because maybe it is, maybe it's not.  But here it is...once upon a time, a room needed to be sheetrocked.  The man who lived in the house was not able to do the job himself.  He directed two pre/mid-pubescent boys in the destruction and disposal of the old sheetrock, but did not do the actual work himself.  At the store, the employees of said store loaded the trailer.  At home, the wife, son, and friend of the man unloaded the sheets of sheetROCK (hey, is this why they are so heavy??  I may or may not know from personal experience though.  Can't say.).  The man rented a sheetrock lift and had more friends come over to put the sheetrock up, along with the wife and son (again).  See, he was a smart man and knew that that sheetrock wasn't going to lift itself and neither was he going to be able to lift the sheetrock.  Not a lot of thought went into this, however, as the man has not been able to do such things for over 4 years now.  The sheetrock is still not complete (almost though!).  All readers of this story will rest assured that this man is still well aware that he cannot/may not/will not do this job himself, as he would have in the past.  See, this is the story of life now for this man...calling other people to help him out.  So when the wife wrote about this instance, she may have neglected to mention exactly how this sheetrock job was going to be completed, because for her, this is all just life now.  It's not even something that was thought about.  It's kind of a "duh" thing in this woman's house...as in...duh, of course this man who is not able to do these things is not the one doing these things.

Duh.

P.S.  He also never once climbed through the window.  He simply waited until the job (which he did NOT perform) was at a point where the plastic could come down.  And then?  He walked through the doorway, as he always does.  With a terrible limp and lack of balance.  But he didn't really notice that either...because this is just life for the man now.

What's in your heart to do?

 For those not in the know...here's a severely shortened and condensed list of what has happened in our lives over the past three months:

  • A 6 year long legal process was finally completed.  It ended well.  God is faithful...and we are thankful!
  • We bought a house!  Twenty-two days from first offer to closing...yes, whirlwind is an appropriate term.  This house also happens to be right across a driveway from my sister's house. <3 li="">
  • We're moving!  Exciting and terrifying...both of my houses are currently in a state of chaos.  We are blessed and even looking forward to the many hours of working hard to make the house our own.  We plan to be sleeping there by the end of next week (eek! and squee!), amid the construction mess.
Update out of the way, I wanted to share a conversation Esther and I had...and the subsequent conversation God and I had.

We have known for a while that this time of great change was coming, but we didn't know then what direction we would be going.  We had a lot of good options in front of us and no clue which way to go.  One evening, as I washed dishes, my sweet girl approached me, wanting to know what she should write about in her notebook.  I told her she should write about anything that makes her happy, and that was a little scary for her, as she wanted me to tell her what to write about and not have to come up with it on her own.  I told her that writing was always a good thing, and whatever she wrote would be wonderful, if she did it from a pure, loving heart.  She eventually chose to write about the puppies (11!!) we were raising at that time.  As she walked away, God began to speak to my own heart...

We all have a lot of options in life, every single day.  Sometimes the sheer number of options is overwhelming, and we don't know which way to go.  I have often wished God would just get out His heavenly megaphone and tell me which direction to go!  Which car should we buy?  Which job should we take?  Where should we live?  What should we do?!  We want to please God, just as my little girl wanted to please me, and we think we need more specific direction in order to do that.  Wouldn't it make life simpler if every time we asked God a question, He just gave us a straight, clear answer?

But what if...what if God knows our hearts long to follow Him?  What if, though He surely knows the ultimate outcome, He wants us to take a leap of faith without having those straight, clear directions?  What if He just wants us to write the story?  What if He knows it will be great, no matter which choice we make from a pure, loving heart?  What if we let go of the fear and just did what He put in our hearts to do?