Out with 2010

Out with 2010, the year of the dogs, at least in our house.  In February, we acquired two new puppies, a Jack Russell and a Black Lab.  We named them Dyson and Eureka, our new vacuum cleaners.  Here are the doggie numbers, by best estimate...

• 20 sippies eaten (I stopped buying them, or it would have been more)
• 30 unwanted stuffed animals eaten
• 3 wanted stuffed animals eaten
• 18,983,002 small plastic toys dismembered
• 492 piles of doo doo cleaned up by the kids
• 2 piles cleaned up by me (hey, I told them...Mommy's not cleaning up after the dogs!)
• 684 puddles of pee cleaned up by the kids
• 0 puddles of pee cleaned up by me
• 36 loose dog occurrences, resulting in running all over town shouting vacuum brands
• 300 lost hours of sleep, all mine.  Yay.  Who knew that a puppy is worse than a newborn?  And now that they sleep in my bed, I'm still losing sleep for them!
• 15 unwanted lip kisses.  Blech.
• 293 pounds of leftovers eaten
• 12 half-eaten pairs of shoes or boots.  They never go after the same victim twice.
• 1 giant bite out of the car seat liner.  WHY?
• 7,632 hours of love

Had to do over again...I'd probably do the same exact thing.  And yes, Anthony, you were right.  Labradors are the single most destructive force on the planet.  Their second super power is mesmerizing their owner with their puppy dog eyes, however, which is how they stay alive, I am convinced.

As the year comes to a close, I realize that we have been successful at potty and house training these two.  Kind of.  Well, the potty training is good.  Neither of them will potty inside any more unless WE forget to let them out for a long time.  And if house trained means they live their lives inside with us and outside with us, then we have succeeded.  If it means we can guarantee that anything in this house will not be eaten, then we have failed abysmally. 

And with this post, I bid adieu to the year of the dogs.  We're keeping the dogs, but I am dubbing 2011 the year of ditching the diapers for good!  Yay!!

In lieu of a Christmas letter...Reflections on 2010

In the beginning of this year, Brian and I asked God for a theme for the year, and came up with Psalm 46:10...Be still, and know that I am God.  This has been confirmed all year long, as this verse has come up a multitude of times in a variety of ways.  It is, however, much easier to say than to do.  This has indeed been a year of waiting, of being still even in our troubles, and knowing that He is God.  We have not always been good at this waiting, but I believe we are learning.  I hope we are learning.

I have thought a lot about Biblical accounts of people waiting.  There are the Israelites waiting in Egypt.  Waiting for God to deliver them from slavery, while they are greatly persecuted and their baby boys are being killed.  When Moses shows up on the scene, things get even worse!  But they do eventually leave Egypt, with all the loot of the Egyptians, too!  Then there's Joseph, who sat in jail for years for something he didn't do, all because a woman of power lied.  He took on a leadership role there, and was released into true leadership as well, but what of that waiting time?  It sure wasn't fair, and probably not fun either.  And then Israel as they waited during the silent 400 years between the Old and New Testaments...about 20 generations of waiting.  God did come to their (and our!) eternal aide though, in the form of a newborn baby.  Waiting on God seems to be a common theme in the Bible and in our lives too.  There are so many things we do not understand, and yet, maybe we need to stop trying and instead focus on truly being still and knowing that He is God.

Our year this year...

Noah is 10, in 5th grade.  He has grown by leaps and bounds and will soon be taller than me, I'm sure.  He has joined the rotation for the video projection at church and enjoys serving in this way.  He is a lot like Brian, and loves to help anyone with anything.  We are still homeschooling him, and intend to go all the way through 12th grade.  Math and science are his favorites and English is very far down on the list.  He will be starting guitar lessons in the new year, as well as continuing swim and gym.

Nick is 9, in 4th grade.  He goes to a neighboring public school, as that is where his mom lives.  In the beginning of the year, we had a great visitation schedule and enjoyed a decent quantity and quality of time with him.  These past two months, however, his mom has kept him from coming here.  This has been a huge source of anguish for Brian and I and also the other kids.  We are waiting for our court date, where hopefully this will be resolved and we will also get back the time we have lost, though you never really can get time back.  Brian has been as active as he can in Nick's life despite this, however, going to lunch with him one or two days a week, and keeping in contact with his school.

Hannah is 5, and has started kindergarten at home.  She is our princess, our very social butterfly, and we have entered the world of frequent sleepovers.  She especially enjoys Mommy, Auntie, or Grandma time, and can be a most delightful little girl.

Levi is 3.  We have had a very eventful year with him, which started with us trying to find a way to get him to sleep at night.  Since he was about 2, he has been a bear to get to sleep, very often outlasting Brian and I.  His doctor suggested we try melatonin, and he can swallow pills wonderfully now!  The melatonin is working, but we found that even when he was sleeping better at night, we were seeing other disturbing behaviors that were getting worse and not better as he got older.  We have had Levi evaluated through both the school district special education referral program and also the county mental health department.  Both evaluations came up with a preliminary diagnosis of SPD (sensory processing disorder) and mild autism.  We do not have an exact diagnosis yet, but he will be evaluated more closely this coming year for that.  Just knowing that we are not crazy as parents has been a relief, and knowing that there are people who know more than we do about these issues is very helpful.  After trying OT and speech therapies at home, we and the team of evaluators have decided he will do better in a classroom setting.  He will start at an inclusive preschool in Syracuse on January 3rd, and is very excited to get to ride the bus!  We hope that excitement continues, since his bus ride will be at least an hour each way.

Esther is 2, and very much the baby of our family.  We have all loved watching her blossom from baby to toddler this year, and look forward to the growth this next year will bring for her.  She is such a blessing, as are all the kids, and is quieter than all of the other kids.  This quietness is often used for mischief, however, and boy, is she good at that!

For Brian, this year has been somewhat of a relief from medical stuff, as he "only" had one surgery...on his elbow in July.  July also marked 2 years since the accident that changed the course of our lives, and we still don't have a clear direction of the course now.  Brian's femur is still not healed properly and he has a feeling his arm is not either, but we have recently discovered that he has a severe vitamin D deficiency which may be the cause of that.  This adds a new doctor to the list, an endocrinologist, whom he will see in April to hopefully figure out a solution.  Brian spends his days helping with the kids, the house, and a bit with homeschooling.  He has become quite adept at doing the dishes without putting too much weight on his left arm, and I have gladly given that chore over to him.  When he is feeling good (well, as good as it gets...), he likes to tinker on cars and Noah and other family and friends help with the things he cannot do.  Some days he probably does too much, but he is determined to live his life still, and that will to live well is something no one should try to take away from him.

Last December, I decided that now was a good time for me to go back to school, as Brian is done with most of his healing.  I enrolled at Morrisville State University, just 5 minutes from home, and am taking the tougher of the two associate's degrees they offer in accounting.  I had one semester that transferred in, and have finished 24 credits in my two semesters there, with a GPA of 3.95!  It has been a stretching experience, but a very good one.  I have two semesters left for my associate's and then will need to transfer for my bachelor's.  The future prospects for my family and I through this are exciting, but still pretty much unknown.  But what fun would it be if we knew where this crazy journey called life was leading, right? :P

Some of our hopes in 2011...
-to spend more purposeful time as a family
-to be more consistent with family Bible reading and study
-to continue to seek God and go where He wants us to go!

It is our prayer that our friends and family will be blessed beyond measure in the coming year, and that if you don't know the Light of the world, that you would come to know Him!  Jesus is our Rock in this world of shifting sand.

Christmas

This Christmas I have been struck with the reality of our Heavenly Father sending his ONLY Son to earth for us.  He sent Jesus as a helpless baby, and not into a well-off family.  Not into a castle, son of nobility, but a cave, a barn, son of a lowly carpenter.  Not only for people who loved Him, but also for those who would despise and reject Him.  Okay, so I really still can't comprehend that...

These past two months, my stepson's mother has been denying visitation and we have been able to do basically nothing while we wait for our court date in February.  This is the first Christmas we have ever been without him.  We've almost survived it, as the day is almost there, but there are still three more family parties without our Nick.  We have not given him up willingly.  Chances are strong that we will see him again.  And he's only 10 miles away.  He's not our only son either...we have two more. ;)

But really...I just can't comprehend how God could send *us* His Son, but I'm sure glad He did.  Probably the only explanation is that God is love...

For those who are hurting...

Are you hurting this Christmas?  Is there a pain so deep in you that sometimes you can barely breathe?  It could be almost anything causing this pain...the loss of a loved one, lengthy unemployment, a sick child or spouse, a prodigal child, separation from people we love, broken bones that won't heal.  The list goes on and on.  There are infinite number of things that cause pain in this world, and no one is exempt.  If you haven't experienced crushing heartache yet, you just haven't lived long enough. 

We can all ask God a multitude of questions, and I'm sure I'm not alone in doing so.  More often then not, though, answers don't come.  Not real answers.  You know, the kind that would take away this pain.  And yet, we hold on, and we keep going, just one more day.  One more moment at a time.  Sometimes that is all we can do.

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Four hundred years. 

That's how many years are between the Old Testament and New Testament.  What is just a page in the Holy Bible for us was a time of agonizing silence for them, a time where God did not speak revelation to them, a time where darkness seemed to reign and the hope of the Savior seemed to grow dimmer with each day.  I am sure it was difficult, close to impossible, to hold onto their hope that the Chosen One, the Redeemer, would come.

Isaiah said years and years before, "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. " (Isaiah 9:6)  So where was this child, this Mighty God, this Prince of Peace?  A little late, I would dare say.

But God is never late, is He?  While we are waiting for Him, it seems that He is, but once we can look back, we are always assured that His timing is perfect.  His timing to call your cherished loved one home.  His timing to heal broken bodies (and the healing is not always on this earth!).  His timing to draw the prodigal back home.  His timing to show us the next step on this journey. 

We will never have peace until we realize that God has a better plan than we could ever dream up.  I will never have peace until I submit my will to my loving Father God's.  But, oh, when we allow Him to work, the blessings we will see!  "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him!"  (1 Corinthians 12:9)

This Christmas, I am burdened by many struggles of life.  I don't know why God has my family and I where He has us.  I don't know why we are asked (but not really asked...who would accept this??) to walk through these things, and I have friends who are walking through far worse!  But I do know this...the Prince of Peace has COME!  He came to this earth on the very first Christmas, and nothing has ever been the same since.  So while you and I have heartache, pain, and struggles in life, we can rest in the fact that God knows.  Not only does He know, but He has a purpose and a plan in ALL things.

If you are reading this and have experienced the harsh realities of life this year, I pray that you will be abundantly blessed by the Giver of Hope.  I pray that you would be able to set aside the hurt and the tears, at least for long enough to know that even if God is currently silent in your life, He is there, and He loves you.  Rejoice in that!

My educational model

I have long pondered the failings of the current public education system.  So many children and young people either do not complete the current  prescribed educational program, thinking themselves a failure throughout their lifetimes.  Even more youngsters are pushed through the assembly line without fully grasping the concepts necessary to move forward.  Standardized tests, which the schools themselves hold up as the best method of measuring student success, show that 50% or less of students sdemonstrate profiency in English and mathematics.  Last I checked, 50% is a failing grade, and yet this failure to educate is touted as a great success.  In addition, this failing school district is my own district, the one I must report to under NY homeschool law.  I daresay that a 50% proficiency rate in my homeschool would not go over well at all.

In the perfect world, if the current education system was to be completely scrapped, and someone of great importance asked me to design and develop a new structure, I would offer the following ideas:

School would not be required until the age of 8, but would be available at the age of 4.  This would allow parents to decide when their children are ready for school, and the school could help with screening tools if the parents requested. 

There would be no grades.  There would be mastery levels, 7 for each subject.  A child would be expected to reach mastery level 7 in all subjects, but it need not be at the same time.  All levels of a certain subject would be held at a certain time, and each child would go to their particular level.  When they mastered that level, they would go on to the next, whether that took 6 months or 3 years.  There would be no passing children through the levels without mastery, resulting in a much firmer grasp of the foundational concepts of education. 

Those students who completed all mastery levels in all subjects would then have a conference with their teachers, advisors, and parents.  At this conference, the team would make a plan for the next several years.  A very good student, or one motivated to continue on in book studies, would advance to a upper level school, where again the mastery levels would come into play.  A student who struggled or who really didn't want to be in school would be matched up with a vocational program or an apprenticeship to learn a valuable skill.  Both the advanced studies schools and vocational programs would be funded by businesses and corporations, who would greatly benefit from this new educational model and the students who have been truly prepared for life and the workforce.

If a student who did not like school as a teen decided as an adult that they would like to move on to higher education, they could attend a junior college.  The elementary mastery levels and college levels could be funded the way they are now, and I venture this would still be a great deal less expensive than the current system of herding all manner and make of children through one, unbending system.  The cost to society of functionally illiterate (who now can graduate or make it through high school without much trouble) and skill-less workerforce would be reduced greatly.  Crime should go down, as children are not labeled as worth less than their brighter classmates.  Children who are taught that they have a purpose in this world and that we are not all the same are those who will succeed in life, whether that life is being a surgeon or a plumber.  The world needs both.

*For those who choose to homeschool*  Here in NY, we report to the school district we live in.  Some districts are unfriendly to homeschoolers, and some will leave you completely alone.  Instead of having so much variation, homeschoolers would report to one central office for the state (or maybe several for the state, but all run identically).  The people in this office would be supportive of those who homeschool and would also serve as a database for services available for homeschoolers.

In my perfect world...but it is unlikely to happen.  And so I wait for the current model to crash and burn, and see what society will come up with next.

As requested...a family picture

This was taken on our vacation in June.  We went to the train museum in PA, and ended up getting a membership because it was only $5 more than all of us getting in once.  Now we get to make another trip and get in for free sometime before June! 

This will be the family picture for now.  No way am I going to take these kids to get one professionally done.  I get hives just thinking about the wailing and misery that would cause.

FYI:  Brian is not still in a wheelchair.  He uses them when we go somewhere with a lot of walking.  This place had a couple of miles of walking, so we borrowed one of their chairs to use.  He walks with a cane for short distances.

Thankfulness in trial

So many weights, pulling me down. 

Another ugly custody situation over Nick.  Brian's continuing disability and lack of closure on the legal end.  Levi's almost-diagnosis and many therapies starting.  The regular difficulties of parenting and homeschooling.  My semester winding down and lots of big projects, papers, and presentations coming due.

These are the current waves in my life, and if I look at any one of them for too long, I am overwhelmed and discouraged.  If I look at them all at once for any length of time, it is easy to be overcome by a depression that no medicine can treat.

The Bible has many examples of people who have been in similar situations.  Not the same details, but this plight is common to man for as long as man has existed.  The problems of life can suck the joy of life right out of our souls.  IF we let them.

The remedy to this joy-sucking is giving thanks!  In order to even begin giving thanks, we have to take our eyes off the troubles and the pain of life.  In order to be thankful, we have to set aside our misery and complaints, the things that make us grumble and complain.

What feels better?  Whining and grumbling does for a time, because we feel we are justified in feeling and voicing these negative things.  But when we make  the choice to be thankful, we find that this has the power to raise our emotions above our circumstances.  Seeing the good things in life and focusing on those things can lift the darkest of depression.

So...this is the first day of a new month, a month that culminates in the American holiday of Thanksgiving.  Let's focus on making this a month of truly giving thanks this month, on seeing the good that even our trials have brought to our lives.  Let's eat turkey on Thanksgiving Day, and be thankful all month long!  Are you up to the challenge?

So many bloggy thoughts...

so little time and memory...

I wouldn't normally blog about my dreams/nightmares, but this one seems to have some connections to our Christian walk, so I will...

In the dream, my twin-cousin and I were driving along on an interstate through some fairly mountainous terrain.  We came upon an awful pileup accident that must have happened pretty recently.  The firemen were extracting victims from the six or so vehicles, and laying them in a row on the pavement.  A couple already had blankets over them and I assume they were already dead.  Others were bleeding, missing limbs, screaming in pain and horror.  Some lay dying quietly.

My cousin and I realized we were going to be sitting here for a while, and were not enjoying our front row seats.  There seemed to be already too many people helping.  Looking at our surrounding more closely, we saw a Walmart and strip mall type place, with several nice places to eat.  The cars behind us started unloading and walking up the bank to presumably get away from the horrible scene before them.  Some were sobbing, looking at those perishing, as they walked away.  Some just walked away, glad that they and their families were safe.

I sat on the bank for a while.  I couldn't leave the scene, yet neither did I jump in and offer even a hand to hold to someone in dire need.  I cried and prayed, but I took no action.  My cousin went to Walmart to get lunch (no judgment on you, Suz...you'd totally be in there with the firemen!) and offered to bring me something back.  I told her no.  To even take a drink in such a time of need seemed an inhumane thought.

After a while, I realized this accident would probably be on the news and so I should call Brian to tell him we were okay.  Looking at my phone, I realized I had no service because of the mountains, and determined that I still needed to call Brian.  I trudged up the bank to the strip mall, still not wanting to leave those in such pain. 

When I reached the mall and saw the options available to me...Panera, Olive Garden, Applebee's...my stomach started to growl.  Wait a minute...I wouldn't even take a drink before, but as soon as the pain was out of my sight, my selfish "needs" came to the front?  Quickly shooting those hunger pains down, I instead headed toward Walmart, hoping they would have a pay phone.  As I passed the eateries, I saw out of the corner of my eye people laughing and talking.  Surely these people didn't know what was going on just over the bank.  But as I looked closer, I saw these were the people who had left their vehicles down below.

Being the justice minded person that I am, I decided to go into Panera's to use the phone...and to give those people a talking to.  As I walked up to the counter, I heard families exchanging information, including what church they went to and the ministries they were involved in.  Polishing their trophies, as it were.  Completely uncaring of the death and destruction going on just yards away. 

I walked away, stunned, forgetting about my phone call.  I went back to my spot on the bank, and watched the scene of death unfold below me.

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Do we do that in our Christian lives?  I'd like to say no.  But I know the answer is yes.

We are so focused on our needs, our wants, even our ministries, that we miss the most obvious of opportunities to touch lives with the love of Christ. 

We allow those who do not know Christ (the firemen in this instance) to do all the work, content to go about our business and let them do the job.  We don't do that, do we?  Surely not.  Oh wait.  When was the last time we provided for those in need, so the government wouldn't have to.  I'm not talking about a gift thrown in a basket for an unfortunate child at Christmas-time.  I'm talking about coming alongside those who are beaten and downtrodden, mentoring them, teaching them, and even providing for them while they learn. 

How many times do we see those who are perishing and we purposely walk up the bank to a prettier scene and our own creature comforts?  Do we see people in need of a Savior, facing the worst death possible, eternal death, and yet we walk away.  We may even be angry at them for daring to inconvenience us and hold up our plans for the day.

Do we cry and pray for those in suffering, not willing to get down and dirty and really do something for them?  We don't want to get bloody.  We don't want to get dirty.  We have places to go, things to do.  Surely God understands if we just sit on the bank and pray.  He'll send someone just right to intervene in these lives.  It can't be me.  Not today.  Not now.  I'm not equipped for ministry to the dying.  One of those other people should be doing it.  And so we do nothing.  And people die without knowing anyone cared.  But really, we didn't care, did we?

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Ouch, huh?  Yeah, me too.

Finding the problem is a huge part of solving it!

I am excited!

Levi has an almost official diagnosis of PDD...sensory processing disorder along with mild autism. 

This has not been an easy process to get through emotionally.  No one wants their kid to be disabled in any way.  No one wants their kid to need help to succeed.  No one likes the thought of their kid being labeled.

BUT!

Now that we have the label, help is on the way!  We're not crazy.  Other people can see what we are seeing, and we agree with their thoughts.  We have a team, a big team, of people who want to help us help Levi.  There are a ton of resources opened up to us with this diagnosis, and probably even more when it becomes official.  We have access to experts in dealing with these kinds of issues.  Experts who have treated and helped lots of children and parents, who have knowledge and tools that Brian and I just don't have.  Yet.

I have signed up for a 3-part workshop on autism offered through a local college (not the one I am enrolled in).  Levi is about to start therapy with a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, and a special education integration teacher (??not sure what this one is yet??).  I have found a monthly support group very close to home.  He will be enrolled in Head Start as soon as possible (which isn't right away...there is a waiting list and 4 year olds go first).

Help is on the way, and I am feeling very optimistic.  I was not feeling this way just a couple days ago.

Levi-ism of the day

Mom to Dyson, our Jack Russell:  Dyson, you're just going to have to hold your pee a minute.

Levi:  He can't!  He doesn't have any hands!

Ten places I must visit before I die

1.  Yellowstone National Park

2.  Redwood National Park

3.  Denali National Park

4.  Grand Teton National Park  (do we see a theme here?  LOL)

5.  Grand Canyon National Park

6.  Badlands National Park

7.  Somewhere cool in Texas (this one's for my honey...he was born in Texarkana)

8.  Creation Museum, Kentucky

9.  Gator Land, Florida

10.  Every major zoo and aquarium in the US and Canada  (Yeah, that may be pushing it...but it would be cool, wouldn't it?)

Overload

Whirring.

Buzzing.

Lights.

Water falling.

NOISE!

The wonder of the MOST. 

There weren't even many kids there, it being the first or second day for public schools in the area.  We went because we knew it would be deserted and we could give the kids more free reign and play full of learning.  It was a good day to go!

And yet, it was still too much for my littlest boy.  Complete sensory overload.

I've been watching him closer for the past month or so, terrified of what I am seeing.  We're having him evaluated for these issues and others.  Evaluated, and involving the public school system and the county mental health to help us figure out what is going on and help him.  If you know me, you know that it took quite a LOT to get me to go there for help.

So.  Today.  Lots of hands over ears, closing eyes.  Floppy out of control limbs.  Wouldn't go in the 5 story playhouse because of the stupid air compressor noise in one part of it.  Wouldn't walk near the giant beating heart, not afraid, just couldn't handle the noise (and that one was a low noise).

I've done some research on my own.  I've talked to a few friends that I know won't sugar coat it.  I've talked to the people evaluating him.  I consider myself to be pretty well educated on early child development, even though I've never formally studied it.  This, this thing that has overtaken my child, this is what I fear.  For I know what it is.  In my heart, I already know, and I'm just waiting for the "professionals" to confirm it and give it a name.

It breaks my heart!  Looking in his eyes, I can see when he has lost all control.  I want to lay down and throw a tantrum with him!  Oh, God, my precious boy...  Hold us both, won't You?

Seriously?

Did you know that you can brush your teeth and drive down 4 lane highway with traffic entering, exiting, jumping over 2 lanes in a blink?

You can.

I'm sure the guy's (YES, a guy!) poor driving had nothing to do with the vigorous brushing of his teeth that was going on.

And I'm sure if he had ended up in the hospital, his dentist would have visited him and praised him for his shiny clean teeth.




Seriously.  Don't try this at home.  Or rather, don't try this in your car.  I think "they" need to outlaw stupid.

Ten reasons I hate football

10.  It's a stupid game.  Helmets crashing into each other...nuff said.

9.  They move in spurts, a play, then a huge pause, then another play, then another huge pause.

8.  Practice is too early to eat dinner...

7.  but way too late to eat dinner.  Hello, dinner at 9:00??  Nice.

6.  Looks like all the games are going to be at 8:30 Sunday mornings.  Super lame.

5.  My kid is on the third string, meaning that we will sit through all of these practices and games all to see him play 5 minutes.

4.  It's a stupid game.  I know, second time on the list, but it bears repeating.

3.  It totally disrupts our entire family.  Seven days a week.  Hate it.

2.  It's always cold and/or raining when I'm sitting there.

1.  What a stupid game...

BUT

The reason I will endure, that reason is aboslutely singular and alone.  Nicolas.  I love that kid.

I can still pray that he'll decide to love soccer like the other kids, right?

First day of classes

First day of a brand new semester.  I have 16 credits this time around, which is twice as many as last semester.  I might be crazy, but this is the semester I could easily add a couple "easy A" classes, so I decided to go for the whole enchilada.  Hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew...5 hours of classes 3 days a week is a BIG chunk of time, not to mention homework and reading.  My brain's going to get a workout, that's for sure.

Some first day observations...
-Acct 101...no idea how the class will be, but it is for my major, so I hope I enjoy it.  The professor is my advisor and I can tell already he is a great lecturer...organized and precise, just the way I like them.  He used to be a lawyer.  I can tell.

-Bsad 108...business law.  This professor opened class by telling us "this is the most boring class on this campus".  Um...great.  Not the best opening line, but I hope he's wrong.  LOL  I did read the first three chapters of the book and was not bored to tears, so I'm counting that as a good sign.  Possibly being in the middle of a court case myself makes this more interesting?  I really liked reading all the case studies.  Seems interesting to me.  But what do I know...it's only the first day.

-English 102...English Lit.  Five weeks each of studying and analyzing prose, poetry, and plays.  Think I'm going to like this one, as long as the reading doesn't get heavy and dry.  This professor doesn't seem that type though.  Here's hopin'...

-Econ 100...Macroeconomics.  I took the sister course to this last semester...microeconomics.  Both are required for my major, and even though I abhor the material, the professor is hysterical.  So, getting it out of my way, and hoping for another fairly easy A.

-Math 102...no idea how this one will be yet.  I am nervous about it, especially since I learned we have to use MyMathLab to turn in homework.  The idea of doing algebra and trigonometry on the computer just doesn't appeal to me.  Of course, I haven't tried it yet, so I may like it.  But right now I'm not happy about it.  I also know I have to go at LEAST two maths after this one, and that scares the pants off of me.  No, not really, but almost.

-Cita 125...a 5 week class solely on Excel.  I don't start this one until November.  Excel did not love me last semester.  But I'm not going to panic.  Yet.

Tomorrow...day #2...looking forward to it.  Yes, I'm weird.

You know you have a dog or two when...

It is a normal occurrence to crawl around the livingroom floor, picking up random arms, legs, heads, and torsos.  Don't worry...they are Polly Pockets, not real body parts.  Dogs love 'em.  Not sure why.

That'll teach you to pick your stuff up, Miss Hannah.  Or not...

Tick tock...

Our schedule is about to explode!  Gone will be the days of summer, as we welcome in football season for Nick, soccer for Noah and Hannah, back to school for me next week, Noah the week after, and Nick the week after that!

As the second summer since Brian's accident passes, I find myself asking God just what we are supposed to be learning right now.  I have a feeling we are missing something, but I know that this is one question that He will always answer when we ask.  I plan to keep asking until He does.

Some things I know we have learned...
Every day is to be treasured and made the most of.
You can always find something to laugh about...ALWAYS.
God smiles on us continually as we wait on Him, but we have to be looking for His smiles.
God is our Rock, our Sure Foundation.  All of our hope is in HIM.
God's will is usually beyond our understanding.  That's why it's GOD's will.
We can shake our fists at God, or we can humbly put our hand in His and walk where He leads us.  We can't do both.
Most of life is spent waiting for the next big thing.  We need to make sure we don't miss out on today, being so caught up in tomorrow.

Even still...life hurts here lately.  It hurts quite a bit.  Lord, in our brokenness, bring Your wholeness and peace...

School plans 2010-2011

Yes, I have started lesson planning for the fall.  Just spent all of naptime doing it, actually. 

I decided to change things up this year.  For the past two years, we have used Bob Jones DVD program.  Toward the end of the year last year, I could tell Noah was getting sick of the DVDs.  This was okay with me since we really didn't have the money to go with that this year anyway.  By the time you add in shipping and tax, it was $1,200!  It was a good program, and we may still go back to it later, but for this year, we're doing some different things.

Bible...sticking with BJU materials.  I like the flow of the curriculum, and the depth of the Scripture teaching and application.  The only parts of this curriculum I don't care for are the studies of random and mostly not well known hymns and also the random prophet focus thrown into the middle of other areas of the Bible.  Since I am the teacher, that's not a problem.  I just don't have him do those pages.  I absolutely LOVE how the curriculum encourages the habit of daily Bible reading.  Every section starts off with a new tear-out page with a bunch of short passages to read and check off.  Noah will get a prize for each page he completes.  $19

Math...we are switching to Alpha Omega Lifepacs.  They are very different from Bob Jones, but seem to be more advanced.  I decided to start him in the middle of 4th grade to get used to the curriculum and some new terminology.  I hope to have him get through all of 5th grade also.  Math is Noah's best and favorite subject, so hopefully he will do well with them.  If not, we can always go back to BJU.  $60

English...this is the area of biggest change for us.  This has been a difficult subject for Noah, and one that BJU has really not worked well for us.  I found some workbooks on CBD that I hope will be better for him: Grammar Rules (5-6), Diagramming, and Words on the Vine (Vocabulary, 5-8).  I have dropped spelling completely and will use the vocab book for both vocab and spelling.  The grammar book includes a good amount of writing practice, and he will continue with his online journal.  $30

Reading...big changes here also.  Instead of using BJU readers and workbook, we are going to focus on reading a greater number of full books and writing simple book reports.  I am anticipating conflict on the book report front, but we will get through it.  Some of the books will be read together and some Noah will read and report on his own.  I will try to save the independent ones for my busy times in school.  I have about 15 books already picked out.

Science...switching to SOS (Alpha Omega's computer program).  What I have looked at looks great, and is pretty easy for him to do independently.  $75

Social Studies...also switching to SOS.  Haven't looked much at this one yet.  $75

Health...also SOS.  He did some of this at the end of last year, and I was very pleased with the setup.  It takes a little bit to learn how to assign the work, but once you get it, it flows easily.  $45

Music and Art...we have never used an actual curriculum before, but I wanted more structure in these areas.  I chose Christian Light Education for these.  I'm having him start with the 3rd art book and the 1st music book.  $20

PE...we will be attending swim and gym at the YMCA again.  Last year was our first year at this, and I was amazed at how much progress both Noah and Hannah made!  They have really been practicing their swimming this summer, so they'll be that much farther along.  Noah is hoping to move up a group when they start up again.  He's made a couple new friends there too.  About $200 per kid per year.

Total spent/planned to spend... about $600 for Noah, including reading books that will remain in our library.  All of his English books are also reproducible, so I'll have those for the other kids later on.  I spent about $500 on Hannah also, which might seem like a lot, but I'll have Levi and Esther use the same material for K5 and will only need new workbooks. 

Thankfully, the superintendent of our school district has graciously given us permission to homeschool.  Snort.  I'm not sure he is aware, but we don't NEED his permission.  We have to notify him and turn in the proper paper work, by law, but nowhere does the law say or imply he has permission to give or restrict permission.  Ah well...as long as he doesn't give me grief, I'll leave it alone. ;)

...and two years later...

Good days are redefined.

Today was a good day.  I got to go on a date with my honey.  Yes, as many of our "dates", a visit to a hospital/doctor was involved.  But hey, it's an excuse to go to Syracuse, and the penny pincher that I am, I like to do more than one thing in a trip.

Today, we window shopped at Home Depot.  Not for windows...but for paint and laminate hardwood flooring.  Lots of fun, lots of laughter.

We went to lunch at CiCi's Pizza.  AWESOME place.  We'll have to take the kids there...they'll love it.

Did some Rite Aid shopping while we were out...Kaidi, you win for the receipt length.  Mine was only 44 inches.  I did get $85 worth of stuff for around $20 though.  The cashier was in shock. :D

Brian's late birthday present came in the mail today...Ticket to Ride, a game Megan in PA taught us.  Noah played with us after the little kids went to bed. 

Very fun day.

Much more fun than this day two years ago.

But you know...we have to take the bad along with the good.  And there is a lot of good in life. 

Two years ago...

Brian's body was broken and smashed by a big stupid green tractor which was driven down the wrong side of the road.

I went looking for my MIA husband, and found a terrible accident scene.  I'm not sure those images will ever leave me.  When I think about it, I can see it all so clearly, and me running holding my big pregnant belly.

Hearing his screams, and being told I could not ride with him in the ambulance.  Driving back to the church alone, knowing that if I could just get back there, someone would take me to Syracuse so I could be with Brian.

The crazy ride with Tammy and Maria.  Their oh so normal and soothing conversation while I prayed over and over...please, God, no internal injuries and no head injury.

The ER nurse handed me a brown bag of bloody, cut up clothes, covered in tiny cubes of auto glass.  I fished his wallet out of the mess and washed the blood off it in the ER bathroom.

Staying with Brian as much as they would allow, constantly asking for more pain meds for him.  It was 9 hours between the accident and when they brought him into surgery.  Nine hours of bones sticking out of his skin, moaning in pain with no real relief.  He doesn't remember it, but I sure do.

Brian going into the OR, and Jenny staying with me until he got out around 1 am even though there was VBS first thing in the morning.  Six hours in surgery, putting Humpty Dumpty back together.

Finally laying down to sleep on the OR waiting room floor, where the contractions I had had all day intensified.  I told my unborn baby that now was really not a good time and to please stay inside.  And she did.

God touches that day...
Brian being alone in that car.
Brian living through the impact.
No internal or brain injuries.
The stranger that climbed in the car with Brian and stayed with him while the volunteer fire department freed him from the car.
The blanket of peace that fell over me and stayed there for a long time.  Maybe it was shock...but it was what I needed at that time, so I could do what needed doing.
Friends and family who instantly filled in the gaps where ever they appeared.

It's been a long two years.  God is faithful.  God is good.  Always.
Always.
Even when bones don't heal.
Even when a strong man sobs with pain.
Even when there is pain every day.
Even when there is no speedy justice.
Even when we hurt.
Always.  Always God is good and faithful.

To Him be the glory...

A day in the life of Levi...

5:57 am...Mom wakes up to a far away voice crying repeatedly, "I want my Momma."  Upon searching the livingroom and not finding Levi, Mom notices Levi outside in the driveway, with his pullup around his ankles, peeing all over himself and crying for Momma.

6:10 am...Levi finally calms down and gets in bed with mom and dad.  He claims to remember going outside, but I think maybe he was sleepwalking.  The front door was LOCKED way up high too...scary.

7:00 am...cousin Paislee arrives for the day.  No more sleep for Mr. Levi.  This is not a good thing.  He usually sleeps in until 9 or 10.

All through the day...
No, Levi.
Get down, Levi.
Do you want a spanking, Levi?
What did Momma say, Levi?
LEVI, GET OFF THE TOP OF THE VAN.
Levi, get out of the fridge.
Levi, we can't throw things at sister's head.  Flying guitars HURT.

Rinse and repeat about twenty times.

8:00 pm...passed out on the couch.  Gathering more energy for tomorrow, I'm sure...

I better get to bed soon or I'll never keep up with him.  Oh wait...he'll be at Valoo's tomorrow while Brian and I go for his preop appointment.  Think I should warn her?  Naaaaah...but I will bring her a Diet Pepsi and some chocolate.  LOL

We made it to Friday!

I had three goals this week...

1. Drastically limit TV.
2. Set and keep a (loose) schedule.
3. Do something fun, and hopefully away from home, every day.

TV...we could do better, but there's been improvement.  This is a difficult goal because TV is one of the few things that will chill Levi out, and for that reason, I have gotten too used to using it to save my sanity.  Being outside and running around is much better for him in the long run and allows him to get his energy out without destroying my house.  That's where the schedule comes in...

Schedule...I've done pretty well with this.  TV until 9, breakfast and dressed by 9:30, and then OUTSIDE until lunch.  After lunch, Esther goes down for a nap, Levi watches a movie in my bed (and usually falls asleep too), I do schoolwork with Hannah, Noah and Nick read for an hour and then play quietly after that.  Then more outside time until dinner.  We've been eating dinner late, so by the time we're done, they watch a smidge of TV, and then it's time to get ready for bed.  Bed by 9 is our goal.  Sometimes we make it, sometimes we don't.  Esther usually makes it by then.

Fun!...Monday, we went swimming, kayaking, and paddleboating at Shiloh.  Tuesday, we saw a movie in Chandler's barn.  Wednesday, we went to the free movie at the Hamilton Movie Theater...Tooth Fairy.  Thursday, we went swimming at Valloo's (Brian's sister).  Tonight is family movie night...Spy Kids 3!  Our little friend Kaden is here all day too.  Oh, I forgot to add...right before we do the big fun thing for the day, I have the kids do a blitz cleaning.  They're very motivated to get it done then, which cuts my frustration with the process way down.  Smart Mommy, I know...

We're going to keep to these goals for a while and see how much sanity they help me keep.

The crazy seven

A quick intro to our family, from the bottom to the top...

Esther, sweet Esther. She is our 22 month old ray of sunshine. Precious, cherished princess sent to our family for such a time as this. The baby of our clan, well-loved and probably well-spoiled. She is the quietest any of mine have been, but likely to be right in the middle of whatever mess or trouble has developed. I love my crazy baby!

Levi, energetic Levi. Full to the brim with energy, this little guy was sent to test my patience, I am sure. His current refusal to poo in the potty aside, he brings much joy and laughter to our home. It's anyone's guess what he will come out with next, and his mischevious grin charms us all no matter what his latest disaster involves.

Hannah, inquisitive Hannah. Questions are always brewing in this little mind, from the tiniest blade of grass all the way to Heaven above. She asks, and we do our best to answer. Hannah is our fun-loving, beautiful princess. She's as likely to be playing in mud or climbing a tree as she is to be playing dress up and having a tea party. A very social creature already, she lives for sleepovers and playdates, at the ripe old age of 5. I love my crazy beautiful!

Nicolas, playful Nicolas...aka Nick. Most likely to be seen digging a hole to China or on the tippy top of our climbing tree. Nick is all boy and all fun. He has a special place in my heart because he did not grow in my womb, but in my heart. With an indominable spirit and an unfailing imagination, I look eagerly to what God has planned for our Nick. I love my crazy dreamer!

Noah, serious Noah. He carries the traits and mind of someone twice his age. Daddy's garage assistant, he loves all things mechanical and is a sponge as he learns "man things". Noah likes to collect magazines and catalogs for all kinds of equipment and boy stuff. He is our guinea pig, our firstborn. While we have made a ton of mistakes on him, we have also had some great successes, one being successfully homeschooling for 5 years now (minus a short stint in Christian school). I love my crazy big boy!

Brian, my love, goes next, since I'm a whopping 5 months older than him. My fantasticly awesome, way cute husband of 11 years. We've been through the wringer in more ways than one in those years, but by the grace of God, we remain together and stronger for the struggle. Physically disabled in a car accident in July 2008, yet not one to let his disabilities define him. He has a huge heart for people in the body of Christ. He will be the first to offer to meet a need if he can, and if he can't, he's likely to try to find someone who can. He's the king of this castle, and I love him dearly.

Now for myself...what to say? I am in my third decade of life, and enjoying almost every minute. I am a daughter of the King of Kings, His princess. I didn't always know that, and I don't always live it out, but it is the truth I always return to. I am currently homeschooling Noah and Hannah (Nick goes to public school from his mom's house), and also going to school myself. I am working toward an associate's degree in accounting, hoping to be able to work mostly from home when I am done. I adore my family, and also know that I need time for me in order to be able to pour out to them. School is that outlet for me right now, and I could not do it without my fan club at home. I'm so very thankful for all of them.

That's my crazy life, and I wouldn't have it any other way...

New blog

I tried to find my blog on crosswalk today, to no avail. It must have been over a year since I posted in it and it has been purged. I am saddened that I have not blogged for that long, and also that all of my entries are lost forever.

So, it's time for a new blog. This will be a mishmash of things...day to day happenings in my crazy household, accounting of the special days, and insights of all kinds, some serious and some anything but.

Welcome, and please comment liberally! Feedback delights me.