The Simple Woman's Daybook...June

Something a little different today...
(Join in by visiting The Simple Woman's Daybook )

Outside my window...the breeze is blowing and trees wave hello.  The sky is a light blue with long, wispy clouds.

I am thinking...about forgiveness, how hard it is, and how I long to be free of the pain I have been carrying.

I am thankful...for a God whose mercies are new EVERY morning.  Even if I mess up badly, each day is a new day.

In the kitchen...strawberry shortcake.  Mmmmm...

I am going...to take Levi to the eye doctor in a little while.  We will see if we need to continue this patching business.  Also going to mow the lawn today.

I am wondering...how this new school year is going to go, with all 4 kids at home, and if I really have what it takes to do this well.

I am reading...If I Gained the World by Linda Nichols.  Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp is next on my list.

I am hoping...for God to show us the way He has for us to go, one step at a time.

I am looking forward to...enjoying my kids all summer long.  Lots of swimming, hiking, picnics, and being with friends.

I am learning...to listen more than I speak.  I hope I am learning this, anyway...

Around the house...we are working on clutter and getting rid of things we don't need or use. 

One of my favorite things...reading on the porch on a day just like today, while the kids play peacefully on the swings and sandbox.  The little things are to be cherished and savored.  They are what make life worth living.

A few plans for the rest of the week...Noah's post-op appointment tomorrow,  a friend is coming over with her kids, hopefully some family time Friday.  Nothing big...and I like it that way.

I'll walk with you

It's something I have noticed about myself for years.  Something I am not proud of.  Something that makes me heartsick whenever it happens.  Something I always say I'm going to keep watch of and not do any more.

I walk ahead of my husband.

I know, it doesn't seem like a major infraction, a sin worthy of guilt and shame.  But for me, it is.

Right after Brian's accident, I was always behind him pushing his wheelchair, or next to him, if he was propelling himself as he liked to do when he was able to use both arms.  This was nearly a year.  When he advanced to crutches, I struggled to keep up, he got so fast!  This was over a year.  And then...his leg finally healed and he learned to walk, first with a cane, and then with nothing but a lift in his shoe to adjust for the leg length discrepancy. 

Now...he is slow.  Very slow.  On top of that, he has to stop and rest often because his back and leg hurt so badly.  And so my problem began.  I blamed the children for a while, because I needed to keep up with the little ones to make sure they were safe.  This was true, but I would notice it when Brian and I were out alone also.  It was painful for me to lumber along with Brian.  Not physically painful, but emotionally difficult to realize that for some reason I do not understand, my husband is forever called to a slower pace of life now.  Brian has no choice but to accept this slower pace, but I, with my undying need to sprint ahead and plan out all of life, have had a harder time with acceptance. 

I do not like to see him struggle.  I especially cannot stand this thought that his difficulties (aka disabilities) are permanent.  Forever.  At least until the next life, when we receive our new, perfect bodies in Heaven.  I don't know whether "forever" will be one more week or 60 more years.  I do know that the one I love, the one who is a part of myself, is stuck in his body as it is.   I, however, am not stuck with him.  I could walk away, walk so far ahead that we are no longer together.  I can walk away from the struggle of his "new" body.  He can't.  I won't.  I won't leave my other half to walk alone.  Figuratively or literally. 

And so, I must learn to walk beside my Brian.  I must choose to take life at a slower pace.  I must even teach my children to slow down, so their Dad doesn't miss so much of what they have to share.  Someday though, our children will have lives of their own.  I hope they still choose to spend some time slowing down with Dad.  I hope I still choose to walk beside my Love. 

Slowing down means...smelling more roses.  Enjoying more of the beauty in the world.  Enjoying each other.  Being thankful for the little things in life.  Letting the little things be enough.  Thanking God that He knows what is best for us.  Trusting God for the grace for each day to come.

It takes a Daddy to raise a child

Father's day interview...

Esther, age 3.5
What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?  Help him on the computer.
What do you do that makes Daddy happy?  Clean up.
How do you know Daddy loves you?  Cuz he hugs me.
What is Daddy’s job?  Type in the computer.
How old is Daddy?  18
What is Daddy's favorite food?  Ribs.

Levi, age 5
What do you love most about Daddy?  He tastes good.
What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?  Go fishing.
What do you do that makes Daddy happy?  Obey.
How do you know Daddy loves you?  Cuz he does something that I like.
What is Daddy’s job?  To keep us safe.
How old is Daddy?  15.  Or maybe 78.
What is Daddy's favorite food?  Hamburgers.

Hannah, age 7
What do you love most about Daddy?  He loves me.
What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?  Go fishing.
What do you do that makes Daddy happy?   Obey.
How do you know Daddy loves you?  He helps me get things I can't reach.
What is Daddy’s job?  He drives a truck.  A big truck.
How old is Daddy?  39
What is Daddy's favorite food?  Ribs.

Noah, age 12
What do you love most about Daddy?  His awesomeness.
What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?  Fishing.
What do you do that makes Daddy happy?  Put away his tools.
How do you know Daddy loves you?  He takes me special places.
What is Daddy’s job?  Mechanic.
How old is Daddy?  32
What is Daddy's favorite food?  Steak.

Sandbox conversations: Where is Heaven?

E: Maybe on the roof?
L: Way higher, Essie.
E: Maybe at the moon?
L: Maybe. We can go there someday, if we love Jesus in our hearts.
E: Yeah, we should do that...

Homeschool conference

The last time I went to the upstate NY homeschool conference, I didn't know I had two kiddos with special needs.  I didn't have a broken husband either.  A whole lot of "life" has happened since then.

This year, Brian, Noah, and I went.  I wanted Noah's input on his curriculum, and the conference has a Teen Track, with workshops for the 12 and up crowd.

Some things I learned...
* There are a LOT of parents taking charge over their special need's kid's schooling!
* My "little" boy does pretty well in a crowd of people he doesn't know.  I don't think he talked to his peers much, and there was no talk of emails or addresses exchanged.  But he sat through each session, near the front, and even took notes so he could tell me what they were about later on!  For a momma with a "tough kid"...this was all amazing.  Very proud of my boy!
* My husband is not the man I married.  This is a good thing. ;)  He is amazing and his near constant high spirits humble me.  He's always been one to agree with whatever I chose, but this time, when I asked for his input on what math curriculum to get and which literature packets to get...he gave me well thought out input!  I went with his ideas there, of course! 
* God sets up some really cool meetings.  I met a lady with a son with very similar issues to Noah...same age, too!  We picked out spelling curriculum together and exchanged email addresses.  Brian met several people who had  been in car accidents or who had knee replacements.  Nearly everyone asked Brian what happened to him, since he was on crutches.  What an encouragement so many people were to us, and what FAITH so many have!  God is good...
* We need to go at least every other year, if not every year.  It's not about finding curriculum, though that is why we went this year.  It's about knowing that we're not alone.  Realizing that there are others who have very real struggles, just like us.  Being encouraged and convinced that each of us has the power, in Christ, to keep moving forward in whatever journey God has called us to.