"Don't get your hopes up"

Twice in a week, I have been told this..."don't get your hopes up".  This is in regard to Brian looking for a trucking job.  Both people have (thankfully) been just acquaintances, not good friends or anything.

But don't get your hopes up?  Seriously?  We've done pretty well with that on our own the past few years.  Knowing everytime we went to a doctor, it was probably not going to be good news.  Knowing that we had more surgeries to come.  Not seeing a lot of improvement, and any we did see being painfully slow.

To the man who said this tonight, I wish I had put my head up, looked you in the eye, and said, "Don't get our hopes up??  Do you know my husband?  The man will do what he sets out to do.  And I will be cheering him on the whole way.  Don't get my hopes up?  Mumble, mumble, mumble...why don't you go suck on a lemon?"

And if I don't get my hopes up...what then?  Do I just hope we get to live on foodstamps the rest of our lives?  What about when SSDI stops coming in...in 10 days?  Just suck it up, live with it.  Live in defeat?  We will not.  I will not.

My hope comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  I will lift my eyes to HIM alone.  Now get thee behind me, satan.  You won't have this man, and you won't have this family.

Why?

For a year or so, every time Levi puts shoes on, he will ask, "Why do they call it a tongue?"  It's gotten to be kind of a family joke that Levi loves that we play with him.

Today, this question was answered!

Levi tends to be very cranky in the morning, and he has to get dressed and on the bus at 6:30.  This morning, I told him his sneaker was going to gobble his foot up, trying to get him to smile or maybe even laugh, but at least stop screaming.

His revelation..."MOM!!!  That's why they call it a tongue!"

You're welcome, Levi, for finally finding an answer to your question.  I can't wait to hear the next one you get stuck on.

Tractor-versary

It's the third tractorversary of my Brian's life-changing accident.

On the first tractorversary, I was wishing we had gone away for the day.  It was "just another day" for everyone else, and definitely not for us.  Sadly, a friend of a friend also died on this day, in a car accident.  He had 5 children, too.

On the second tractorversary, we went to preop for Brian's 9th surgery.  It was a quiet, somber day, wondering why this had to last so long, and why his stupid bones wouldn't heal.

On this day, the third tractorversary...bones are healed.  Brian is trying with all of his might to reenter the workforce.  His body is still not the same, and never will be, but we are finally able to look toward the future! 

Truthfully, I woke up this morning not remembering this was "the day" until I saw someone else post on facebook about it.  That day three years ago, I almost lost my husband.  My children almost lost their father.  But we didn't.  And so...life goes on now.  Finally.  It has stood pretty still these past few years, and though change is scary, I'm glad time is moving forward for us once again. 

Adventure!!

Some of you know we went on a last minute adventure recently.  We thought Brian had a job, and had to be in Nashville for training.  (I'm not going to talk about that non-job here...just the adventure we went on.)  So, with a day of notice, we packed up the kids and what we'd need for a week of unknowns, and hit the road.  It was 40 hours of driving time, the last 18 of that being just the kids and I.  We got to meet 4 of my online friends and their families, and now can call them real-life friends!

I could write pages of all of our experiences, some good, some bad.  Instead, I'll just give some key observations...the highlights.  The awards, first...

• Best traveler...goes to the most unlikely.  Levi!  He loved traveling in the car, seeing all kinds of things, meeting new friends, and even sleeping in different places each night didn't phase him.
• Worst traveler...goes to a certain little girl who WHINES way too much.  Oh boy, my ears are still recovering.
• Most patient...does not go to me.  I tried though, and that must count for something. 
• Best at dealing with southern heat...Brian, of course.  Born and raised in Texas and Mississippi.  The rest of us would need some serious air conditioning to survive down there!
• Best navigator...Noah!  Well, he tried anyway.  He is only 11. :P
• Worst navigator...the Garmin GPS.  Seriously...stupid thing shut off at the worst possible times.  Going into Pittsburgh, and again trying to leave Pittsburgh.  Piece of garbage.
• Best potty-goers...Levi and Esther!  They peed all over the US.  LOL  Only two accidents the whole trip (one per kid), and none in the car!  Esther and Hannah learned to squat in the grass on the side of the highway, but you do what you have to do, right?
• Most dramatic driving conditions...West Virginia.  Woah, baby, those are some MOUNTAINS!!!  The drive from Pittsburgh to Brisbin, PA also had some extreme ups and downs.  So beautiful!
• Worst roads...from Richmond to Atlanta.  So very glad Brian drove those mega-highways.
• Scariest bridges...Pittsburgh.  And West Virginia.  Heck, they were all scary.
• Best people to visit...ALL OF THEM!  Even more amazing in person, Chelley, Jenn, Maggie, and Kathryn...all made us feel right at home right away.  They alone were worth the trip. <3
• Best food...pizza.  (more on that in the next post)

And now some stats...

• 40 hours drive time
• 2270 miles driven
• 11 states (NY, PA, MD, VA, NC, SC, GA, AL, TN, KY, WV)
• at least 30 "potty stops"
• 2 fast food dollar menu meals eaten (also more on that in the next post)
• 7 grocery runs
• 1 night in a hotel
• 1 night in a KOA cabin
• 6 tired peeps

It was a wonderful adventure.  I really learned that we are great travellers!  I wouldn't have said that before.  I hope we have many more spur of the moment road trips.  I think the lack of planning/worrying time made it even better!

Supervision

I know I should have updated on this last week, but I am still so mad about it that I could spit nails.  Whatever that means.  Sounds painful.

So.  What happened is...Nick's mother doesn't have to answer for keeping him from us all those days, for keeping Nick out of school to keep us away from him, or for filling his head with lies.  But we have to have supervised visitation, all based on HER word that he was in danger with us.  Pardon my French, but that is about the biggest pile of bullshit I have experienced in life.

We've had two visits with him now.  Four hours each.  Supervised.  And her lying self gets him the rest of the time, and now tells people "well, his dad did get visits, but at least they're supervised", as if WE were the ones who did something wrong and not her.

Life lesson for all boys and men...keep your thingamajig put away.  It'll cause a whole heap of trouble if you let it run around all willy nilly.  18 years of trouble, to be exact.  Only 7.5 left for us...joy.

The count

The official count is...

18 weekends.
30 Wednesday overnights.
4 holidays.
16 days of school vacation.

69 days of missed visits with Nick.
Over a time of 8 months 14 days.



We have family court today, scheduled for all day.  It could go either way.  We could lose him completely.  Or we could be given custody.  Or anything in between, I suppose.

I had a dream night before last that we were suiting up to enter the warzone.  Only we were already severely wounded, bleeding everywhere, a real mess.  Feels pretty accurate today.