The Life of a Bathroom Cat

I wasn't always a bathroom cat.  Here follows the timeline of my life...some dates are approximate:

2-1-99     I was born.  Let the party begin!

3-20-99   My brother, Agua, and I moved into our new home.  There is another cat there, Forest.  She thinks she is the boss.  She's wrong.

5-1-99     Our first home (Grandma and Grandpa's house) burnt down.  I was glad we didn't live there anymore.  The only cat in residence at the time was our father, Pooh Bear, and he survived the fire.

5-31-99    Mom peed on a stick.  She got very excited.  I am not sure what implications this has for my life.

8-31-99    Mom must have quit her job or something.  She's home all day every day now.  Dad better keep working.  I like to eat!


10-1-99    Agua ran away today.  I hope it wasn't something I said.


10-2-99    I heard word of Agua's untimely death.  Such a young lad, so many years ahead of him.

11-30-99   Forest escaped the house today.  And got ran over by a truck.  From this day forward, I will spend (almost) all of my days indoors.  Outside is just too scary!  This is now a one cat house.

2-14-00    Mom has disappeared.  I hope it has something to do with removing that watermelon she has grown in her belly.

2-21-00     The watermelon has returned with Mom.  It makes a terrible noise.

10-1-00     Our family has moved.  We now live in a trailer on Grandma and Grandpa's lawn.  They have just moved into their new log house.  Oh, the scratching I could do there...

 3-14-01    I am a hero.  A fat rat tried to move in from the farm down the road.  I served him with his eviction notice. ;)

4-1-01    I have given birth to the 4 most beautiful kittens in the world!  If only I knew who their father was...

6-1-01    All of my children have grown and flown the coop.  Now to get this body back in shape.

6-5-01    I went for a car ride today, and then a nap.  I must have been robbed while I slept, for I no longer have claws.  I don't think I will have any more kittens either. 

9-1-01    We have moved again.  Definitely a downgrade.  Our whole family in one room at Valoo's house. 

1-1-02    We moved AGAIN!  This place is beautiful, with plenty of room for the four of us.  I love to sit on the couch and watch the birds in our yard.

2-16-02    That squawling watermelon has grown and is not quite so bothersome anymore.  I hope that never happens again!

8-1-02    We are moving again.  Back to Grandma and Grandpa's again.  Perhaps this is my destiny.  Oh, and there is another kid now, but he is not here all the time.  And he didn't start off as a watermelon. 

10-15-02   Moving. Again.  At least there is plenty of space here in this yellow apartment building.  Plenty of catnip smoking college students, too.  I wish they would share.

8-1-03    Story of my life.  Moving again.  Back to Grandma and Grandpa's, but in our own apartment this time.

1-14-04   Furnace broke during the coldest winter ever.  Thank God for moving this time!  Back in with Valoo while we look for a new home.

2-21-04   My family moved, but left me behind.

5-1-04    Mom says she's so sorry, and now I can come live with her again.  Someday I will pee on her favorite shoes for that.  This house is a lovely trailer in the country.  And I do mean country.  Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!  There is a swamp behind our house and a bunch of giant fans in front.

5-19-04  I feel a need to explore the great outdoors.  In fact, I think I will go on a month-long survival expedition in the swamp behind our house.  Maybe I'll pop back in just as my funeral is being performed, covered in burdocks so sticky mom has to give me a hair cut. 

6-20-04   Mom peed on another one of those sticks again.  I sure hope it's not a sign of another watermelon.

7-31-04  Definitely another watermelon growing.

2-19-05  That watermelon is huge.  And we are moving.  Not sure how this is going to work out.

2-20-05  Mom is on her way to...somewhere.  I think she's having kittens!

2-22-05  Nope, just one smelly watermelon.  I don't know why she likes those noisy things.

4-30-06  Just living the life...it's good here.

5-15-06  I have a feeling...another watermelon.  The second one isn't even grown yet!

2-9-07    Mom left in a terrible blizzard.  It must be important.  Like she wants to buy me some cat food?

2-10-07   Nope, just another watermelon. The biggest one yet!  I wonder how many times this will happen.  This house is filling up.

4-16-07  I've been put in kitty jail.  I don't know why.  All I did was pee on...everything.  How else will I show my disgust with all of these children?  I've heard this is the bathroom, and nothing terrifies me more.  Don't they know cats don't like water??

8-23-07   Maybe it's not so bad here in the bathroom.  The kids don't bother me and I get lovins every time someone has to pee.

10-13-07  Not feeling so well.  I decide to go on a hunger strike and scare the crap out of Mom and Dad.  Finally, they narrow it down to a tooth in an awkward position.  Dad grabs his pliers, Mom wraps me up in a towel, and...problem solved.  The best part?  Wet cat food for a month!

12-27-07   Mom peed on another stick.  Oh boy...here we go again.

7-20-08   My family appears to have left me.  I don't know why and I don't know where.  Occasionally a stranger comes and feeds me.  I wish Mom would come home and change my stink box.

7-28-08   Mom was home for a little while.  She forgot to take care of my stink box.  I shall make a mess on the floor for her, now that I know she is alive and well.  Hmpf.

8-1-08   Mom is home every night now.  She cries when the kids go to bed.  They all leave early every morning.  I don't know where Dad went.

8-8-08   Dad is home.  I think.  It looks kind of like him.  But all he does is lay in bed.  Sometimes I can leave my prison to snuggle with him.  I like that.

8-27-08   I hear the new watermelon is coming soon.  This should be a trip.

8-29-08   This last watermelon is the worst one.  She took over my snuggle spot on Dad!

2-1-09    My 10th birthday!  Guess what Mom and Dad got me?  Two puppies to boss around.  Yay. :S

4-30-09  I can't figure it out.  Dad keeps going away to be "fixed up" and comes back in much worse shape.  You'd think they would figure that out and stop taking him there.  I can't even snuggle him any more.  Darn pups...

7-05-10  It has come to my attention  that I have a boring life.  That's okay.  I like it here in the bathroom.  It's a great life, you know...eat, sleep, leave hairballs all over Mom's towels, occasionally and randomly puke all over...it's great!

8-1-10   We had two temporary houseguests.  Cute little whippersnappers they were.  Reminded me of my own children.  I wonder why they never bring the grandkids to visit.  Our visitors didn't stay long. :(

7-13-12   I am sick.  Sick and tired.  I'm 13 years old, what do you want from me?

7-18-12   I think I might die.  I hope I have lived my life well.

7-19-12   I saw a vet today.  He gave me a shot that should help me regain my youth.  I don't think so though.  I am so very tired.  I want to sleep forever.  I have to wait for Mom to go to sleep first.  I can't bear to hear her cry again.  I will miss her.

7-20-12  When I woke up, I saw the most wonderful thing!  I now live in a mansion.  I think I'm waiting for Mom to join me.  She's going to like it here.  And...there are no stink boxes here!

RIP, sweet Coon-Coon.  You lived a good life.

That last watermelon turned out to be alright, after all.