Don't you hate when you can see the train coming and know it's going to wreck...and there's not a darn thing you can do to stop it?
He should have been able to say goodbye...
Cancer sucks.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Stalked
Yeah, I know it's a public blog.
But seriously?
Oh wait, I should introduce my watchers...
Hey, everyone (all 4 of you :P), meet TractorMan's lawyer.
Nothing to see here, TractorMan and his lawyer. You won't find anything that trips us up or shows us to be liars. Because we're not.
Since you want to know, let me tell you all about my SuperMan...
You see, my husband may be back to work, but he is still in pain every flipping day of his life. All day. Every day. He works because he's a real man, who takes his responsibilities to his family very seriously. So seriously that even though it meant he had to be away from us every week, all week, and sleep in a bunk in his truck, he took a job. Because that's what good men do, as long as they can. And he couldn't get anything local because everything local involved loading and unloading. He worked local for almost 5 years before the accident. So thanks for that. Really, my kids thank you that Daddy has to tuck them in over the phone. I thank you too. His dad died two weeks ago and we get to grieve together over the phone. It's great. You should try it. He gets to be home 8 days a month, if he's lucky. But it pays the bills...and we are thankful for the job and his ability to work. For now. Because I can tell you right now that it ain't gonna last forever. You know, that pesky "broke half my body" pain all day and night thing.
He's a good man. He's honest as the day is long...anyone who knows him will tell you he's actually too honest. He loves God, loves his wife (that would be me), loves his kids, loves his church, loves his friends...he even tries to love his enemies and probably does a better job at it then I do. You'd be lucky to know him. He's a good guy.
I think if you've got enough time on your hands to follow me around here and to demand my facebook information (nothing to see there either...because DUH, there's nothing to see...who the heck would fake this? And how exactly do you fake broken bones and 9 surgeries?)...you've got plenty of time to go suck on a rotten egg or a hairy terd or something. Make sure to look at all of my posts and my pictures as you do. Take special note of the ones in the album "Brian's accident". Two and a half years of putting Humpty-Dumpty back together again. Kind of.
Gosh, I'm sick of people...
But seriously?
Oh wait, I should introduce my watchers...
Hey, everyone (all 4 of you :P), meet TractorMan's lawyer.
Nothing to see here, TractorMan and his lawyer. You won't find anything that trips us up or shows us to be liars. Because we're not.
Since you want to know, let me tell you all about my SuperMan...
You see, my husband may be back to work, but he is still in pain every flipping day of his life. All day. Every day. He works because he's a real man, who takes his responsibilities to his family very seriously. So seriously that even though it meant he had to be away from us every week, all week, and sleep in a bunk in his truck, he took a job. Because that's what good men do, as long as they can. And he couldn't get anything local because everything local involved loading and unloading. He worked local for almost 5 years before the accident. So thanks for that. Really, my kids thank you that Daddy has to tuck them in over the phone. I thank you too. His dad died two weeks ago and we get to grieve together over the phone. It's great. You should try it. He gets to be home 8 days a month, if he's lucky. But it pays the bills...and we are thankful for the job and his ability to work. For now. Because I can tell you right now that it ain't gonna last forever. You know, that pesky "broke half my body" pain all day and night thing.
He's a good man. He's honest as the day is long...anyone who knows him will tell you he's actually too honest. He loves God, loves his wife (that would be me), loves his kids, loves his church, loves his friends...he even tries to love his enemies and probably does a better job at it then I do. You'd be lucky to know him. He's a good guy.
I think if you've got enough time on your hands to follow me around here and to demand my facebook information (nothing to see there either...because DUH, there's nothing to see...who the heck would fake this? And how exactly do you fake broken bones and 9 surgeries?)...you've got plenty of time to go suck on a rotten egg or a hairy terd or something. Make sure to look at all of my posts and my pictures as you do. Take special note of the ones in the album "Brian's accident". Two and a half years of putting Humpty-Dumpty back together again. Kind of.
Gosh, I'm sick of people...
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Avoidance
I've been neglecting writing here. I know it. I've been back several times, started to type, and then closed the tab and moved onto something else. There is so much I want to write that I'm lost as to where to start. And I think I'm scared to start because I'm not sure I can do justice to the words that race in elaborate designs in my mind.
I'm also avoiding acknowledging and dealing with some things. But is it really avoiding if you admit you're avoiding it? I don't know. I know I need to stop avoiding these things though. So I promise to be back soon and actually have something to say. Come chase me down if I "forget", okay? Thanks!
I'm also avoiding acknowledging and dealing with some things. But is it really avoiding if you admit you're avoiding it? I don't know. I know I need to stop avoiding these things though. So I promise to be back soon and actually have something to say. Come chase me down if I "forget", okay? Thanks!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
TWELVE?!?!
Dear Noah,
Tonight, as I labor over your devil's food cupcakes with penuche frosting (okay, the laboring only involves the frosting...but it's worth it!), I ponder another labor...12 years ago.
I'm not really sure how it got to be that many years. I guess time just keeps marching forward, as they say. But on that night, February 15, 2000, I knew my life was about to change. I had no idea how it would change or how wonderful being a mom would be...and how hard it would be.
I thought that labor was hard. It wasn't. Not really, compared with a lifetime of parenting (I really don't have hopes of stopping my "labors" over you when you turn 18...just the nature of being a mom, I guess!).
This labor of growing a baby into a man, this path that stretches before us...I often don't know where to put my foot next. And I mess this mom thing up all the time, stumbling and making a mess of things on a near daily basis. I hope that in time, as you grow into an adult, you'll forgive me and better understand how much I have loved you through it all.
I loved you in the beginning. Your perfect little egg head with the blond tuft of hair. Your blue eyes like your Daddy. Your first words. Your first steps. You were just perfect, and I was determined to be the perfect mom!
I loved you as you grew. Watching you become a big brother, seeing how much you love babies. Seeing you learn new things every day. You weren't really perfect anymore though...and you weren't alone in that!
I love you now. Oh, I love you now more than ever, Noah Gregory! In the moments I want to tear my hair from my head...I love you. In the moments your sweet, gentle spirit shines through...I love you. In the moments that make me so proud to be your mom, and in the moments I'm pretty sure God didn't know what He was doing in giving you to me. Every moment of every day...I love you. I am nowhere near a perfect mom, but this one thing I do know...I love you.
This is such an awkward time in a boy's life, so I've read and been told. I haven't ever been a boy, so I don't really know. I think it's a time of leaving little boyhood behind, of becoming a man. A time of figuring out who you are and what you stand for. A time of becoming, a time of being, a time of growing. It can be rough, this journey...
I don't often know where I fit anymore. Twelve years ago, I was pretty sure I had this parenting thing all figured out, but today, as I look at you nearly eye to eye, I realize that I don't know a darn thing. I can only hope that the stubborn nature that is in me and the stubborn nature that is in you will always give way to love.
God's grace is sufficient for both of us on this journey. We'll make it, Noah, and one day we'll look back on these days of "boy turning to man" and laugh ourselves silly. Until then, always, always remember your Momma loves you more than any thing in the world.
Happy birthday, My Boy!
Love always and forever,
Momma
PS...one more year to a facebook of your very own! :)
Tonight, as I labor over your devil's food cupcakes with penuche frosting (okay, the laboring only involves the frosting...but it's worth it!), I ponder another labor...12 years ago.
I'm not really sure how it got to be that many years. I guess time just keeps marching forward, as they say. But on that night, February 15, 2000, I knew my life was about to change. I had no idea how it would change or how wonderful being a mom would be...and how hard it would be.
I thought that labor was hard. It wasn't. Not really, compared with a lifetime of parenting (I really don't have hopes of stopping my "labors" over you when you turn 18...just the nature of being a mom, I guess!).
This labor of growing a baby into a man, this path that stretches before us...I often don't know where to put my foot next. And I mess this mom thing up all the time, stumbling and making a mess of things on a near daily basis. I hope that in time, as you grow into an adult, you'll forgive me and better understand how much I have loved you through it all.
I loved you in the beginning. Your perfect little egg head with the blond tuft of hair. Your blue eyes like your Daddy. Your first words. Your first steps. You were just perfect, and I was determined to be the perfect mom!
I loved you as you grew. Watching you become a big brother, seeing how much you love babies. Seeing you learn new things every day. You weren't really perfect anymore though...and you weren't alone in that!
I love you now. Oh, I love you now more than ever, Noah Gregory! In the moments I want to tear my hair from my head...I love you. In the moments your sweet, gentle spirit shines through...I love you. In the moments that make me so proud to be your mom, and in the moments I'm pretty sure God didn't know what He was doing in giving you to me. Every moment of every day...I love you. I am nowhere near a perfect mom, but this one thing I do know...I love you.
This is such an awkward time in a boy's life, so I've read and been told. I haven't ever been a boy, so I don't really know. I think it's a time of leaving little boyhood behind, of becoming a man. A time of figuring out who you are and what you stand for. A time of becoming, a time of being, a time of growing. It can be rough, this journey...
I don't often know where I fit anymore. Twelve years ago, I was pretty sure I had this parenting thing all figured out, but today, as I look at you nearly eye to eye, I realize that I don't know a darn thing. I can only hope that the stubborn nature that is in me and the stubborn nature that is in you will always give way to love.
God's grace is sufficient for both of us on this journey. We'll make it, Noah, and one day we'll look back on these days of "boy turning to man" and laugh ourselves silly. Until then, always, always remember your Momma loves you more than any thing in the world.
Happy birthday, My Boy!
Love always and forever,
Momma
PS...one more year to a facebook of your very own! :)
Hold that lemon tart
Househunting is on hold. For maybe a year. Hopefully not more.
It stinks.
But somehow...it seems we've learned to bounce back from a whole lot of crap.
This is a minor bump in the road.
And I will be making that darned lemon tart. Someday.
It stinks.
But somehow...it seems we've learned to bounce back from a whole lot of crap.
This is a minor bump in the road.
And I will be making that darned lemon tart. Someday.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Lemon Tart
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Well, we're going to do better than that. After all these lemons life has thrown at us, it's time to make some lemon tart.
It's going to be the very first thing I bake in our new-to-us house. I would say the first thing I make, but I may need to make some quick throw-together something when we first get there. But the first thing I BAKE will be this...
I can taste it already...
Well, we're going to do better than that. After all these lemons life has thrown at us, it's time to make some lemon tart.
It's going to be the very first thing I bake in our new-to-us house. I would say the first thing I make, but I may need to make some quick throw-together something when we first get there. But the first thing I BAKE will be this...
I can taste it already...
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
A glimpse of 4 year old Hannah...
I found this while looking waaaaay back on facebook. I should ask her these same questions again. She's almost 7 now!
Mom according to Hannah (age 4)
February 28, 2009 at 9:20 am 1. What is something mom always says to you?
Clean up this room.
2. What makes mom happy?
Buying her favorite candy
3. What makes mom sad?
when I don't clean up
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
tickling me!
5. What was your mom like as a child?
She wanted to have babies when she growed up.
6. How old is your mom?
a hundred
7. How tall is your mom?
to the ceiling
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
dishes (WHAT?!?!?)
9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
probably clean up and then take a nap
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
reading stories
11. What is your mom really good at?
making food! (says she who never wants to eat what's for dinner...)
12. What is your mom not very good at?
cleaning (HA!)
13. What does your mom do for a job?
clean up and wash dishes and make dinner
14.What is your mom's favorite food?
macaroni and cheese
15. What makes you proud of your mom?
making macaroni and cheese with her
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
a tractor (?????)
17. What do you and your mom do together?
wash dishes and make food
18. How are you and your mom the same?
cuz we're girls and because God made us
19. How are you and your mom different?
she has short hair and I have long hair
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
she hugs and kisses me
21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
kissing him
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
to the store with me
Clean up this room.
2. What makes mom happy?
Buying her favorite candy
3. What makes mom sad?
when I don't clean up
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
tickling me!
5. What was your mom like as a child?
She wanted to have babies when she growed up.
6. How old is your mom?
a hundred
7. How tall is your mom?
to the ceiling
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
dishes (WHAT?!?!?)
9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
probably clean up and then take a nap
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
reading stories
11. What is your mom really good at?
making food! (says she who never wants to eat what's for dinner...)
12. What is your mom not very good at?
cleaning (HA!)
13. What does your mom do for a job?
clean up and wash dishes and make dinner
14.What is your mom's favorite food?
macaroni and cheese
15. What makes you proud of your mom?
making macaroni and cheese with her
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
a tractor (?????)
17. What do you and your mom do together?
wash dishes and make food
18. How are you and your mom the same?
cuz we're girls and because God made us
19. How are you and your mom different?
she has short hair and I have long hair
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
she hugs and kisses me
21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
kissing him
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
to the store with me
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