Who you are to us...

You are something different to everyone in this family...

To Noah, you are his very first sibling. The one who taught him to share. The one who would snuggle you on a cold night. The fearless brother who helped him break through his own natural cautiousness from time to time. Both the guinea pigs of parents who had no clue what they were doing. You were usually opposites, but still, so much love between you both...and so much history...

To Hannah, you are the kindred spirit. The one who would scoop up a snake or a cool bug that everyone else would walk by and not even notice. The one who'd smack his own self just to make her laugh. The dreamer, the brother full of imagination and always ready to play. So much the two of you have in common...

To Levi, you are the wild and crazy big brother. The one who would climb trees and jump bikes. The one who acts first and thinks later. The one who loves big, without boundaries. So much the two of you have in common...

To Esther, you are the big brother who could always make her giggle. The one who always had a sweet smile for "the baby". You share a love for people and animals. A little bit shy, a whole lot of fun...so much the two of you have in common...

To Dad, you are all boy. Boy who embraced dirt and adventure, skinned knees and spunk. No fear, a boy who loves to live loudly. You're the kid who taught him how important it is to be a Dad.

To me...oh, I'm not even sure I can put it into words. You were the baby who didn't ask for hard times or two houses. The child who ripped my heart open and then climbed right in to stay. The toddler who called me Mommy the very first time we met. The boy who brought me the world's biggest dandelions and told me 'Happy Mother's Day!' a week early so I would know I was important in his life. The sweet boy who loved me completely and accepted me fully into your life. The boy who had room in his heart for two moms and two dads. You are the boy who taught me that love is a sacrifice worth giving, that even when it hurts and you're far away, I can't love you with anything less than all of me.

You're 15 today. 3x5! You are loved by us all and you always will be. We'll never make up the lost time, but we pray you are healthy and strong through these days and hope for being reunited as you grow into adulthood in just a few short years. We love you, always and forever, and I hope you know this every single day. Happy birthday, Nicolas!

He LOVES me...

Did you ever just have a moment, when God does something so personal, just for you?  Something you never would have asked for, nor expected?  Something completely unnecessary but totally awesome?  Something that just about brings you to your knees with the knowledge of how very much He loves you and cares about every. little. thing. in your life...

First night of Kingdom Bound...4 days of Christian concerts as well as the crazy rollercoasters and other rides at Darien Lake.  First up...For King and Country.

We had settled into seats pretty far back and on the outside edge so that Brian could sit in his wheelchair and we could all sit together.  There was handicapped seating available, but only for the person in the wheelchair and one person with them.  That was okay, and we were happy to sit together where we were.

Then a staff/security volunteer came and talked with Brian for a minute...and asked us if we wanted to move to some empty VIP seats.  All of us, in the THIRD row!  I about started balling.  We moved up, My mom, Hannah, and I jumped up and down and screamed our lungs out.  Levi had a sweatshirt turban tied around his head and ears, and played Minecraft when he needed to "check out".  Esther...fell asleep.  Yes, in the third row.  And Brian and Noah spent the whole time grinning from ear to ear.  Simply amazing...

Some snippets from songs of theirs...in case you don't know them well...

"I've got a busted heart...hold on to me."
"You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders...my help comes from You."
"Fix my eyes on You..."
"It's not over yet."

Thank you, God.  You give me more than I could ever ask for and certainly more than my feeble heart so often lacking in faith deserves.  Thank you for hope and that YOUR plans for us are only for good.  Thank you for loving me.

The Journey...Part 1

We are on day 18 of a 100+ day RV trip.  I spent hours planning and replanning, all the while knowing that I'd have to replan many times over on our trip.

Here are the changes we've made already...
*Staying an extra day in Richmond, due to weather.
*Going to Myrtle Beach instead of Pigeon Forge, due to weather.
*Boondocking our way from Myrtle Beach to Texarkana instead of staying a few days in Alabama, mostly due to weather.

As you can see, the weather plays a big part in our planning...and the weather is one thing we just can't count on ahead of time!

So far, the only place there hasn't been snow/slush/ice was Myrtle Beach.  The worst of it hit us in Louisiana, which cut our driving down to only 130 miles that day and had us all kissing the ground and praising God we were safe when we stopped for the day.

This trip, we opted to take two vehicles for several reasons...

*Ease of getting into cities or hard to navigate in areas.
*Ability to get parts and not be totally stranded if there is a vehicle breakdown.
*More room when traveling...6 people in a crew cab is pretty squishy on driving days, and the kids are NOT getting smaller!
*Fuel cost is really not higher, as fuel is cheaper everywhere but NY, and we'd be driving both vehicles if we were home, too!

The thing I failed to really consider is...driving two vehicles means Momma has to drive all.the.time.  We've gone just over 2,000 miles, and *I* have driven every single mile!  On our last big trip (51 days), I drove absolutely none of those miles.  Brian used to be an over the road tractor trailer driver, regularly running 1,800-2,500 miles every week.  I, however, reach my limit around 300 miles a day, which is about 5 hours of driving and 2-3 coffee/potty/fuel stops.  My limit also seems to be reduced with consecutive days of driving.

We had four days in a row of driving from Myrtle Beach to Texarkana (just over 1,000 miles).  The first day, we pushed hard, the weather was good, and we  made it over 400 miles.  The second day, we went just over 300 miles and the last hour was rough for me.  The third day was the 130 miles in the snow and freezing rain day, surrounded by people who are not accustomed to winter driving.  The fourth day was only 160 miles, on much improved roads, but by that fourth day, I'm not sure I could have gone more than 200 miles.

Ahead in our travels...mountains.  Big ones.  And I will need to drive through them...yes, this two vehicle decision was both a great and challenging one!

Another challenge related to driving is the reality that most of the time, I am behind Brian as he hauls the camper with his truck.  Every "near miss", I can't not see.  Every car that cuts in front of him makes me cringe.  Every time someone won't allow him to merge, my own anxiety increases.

 I fully admit to dealing with PTSD with car accidents/near accidents being the biggest trigger.  It's not fun, but I am dealing with this by listening to calming Christian music when we are in high traffic areas.  I also quote Scriptures as they come to me.  Most importantly, we are praying...a LOT.  We pray when we start our driving day.  We pray over the walkie talkies.  I pray under my breath.  And we praise God every day for a relatively uneventful journey.  God is stretching us all...and I pray our faith muscles are growing each day.

God is good...we are enjoying the journey.

Peace, out...

Homeschooling...think outside the box!

Encouragement to keep trying new things, if what you're doing is not working with one of your kids...

Hannah has a math problem.  And possibly an attention/focus problem.  She seems to not be able to memorize math facts at all.  Totally foreign to me, as I never have to teach  my boys math...they are always a step ahead of their curriculum.  It's okay...not everyone is good at the same things, and everyone struggles with something, right?

So...I held her back a year, just in math (3rd instead of 4th).  She just finished the second time through 3rd grade math.  She is currently working through three different 4th grade math programs simultaneously:  Kitchen Math (found online, free, no longer available), Mammoth Math 4, and Bob Jones Math 4 Review Sheets (I already had these).  She does 2 days of KM, 2 days of MM, and 1 day of BJU.  All have totally different teaching methods and goals.  In Kitchen Math, she can use a calculator.  In Mammoth Math, she is learning new concepts (this is rough...) and we are moving very slowly and using lots of manipulatives.  In BJU, often the concepts are ahead of MM, so we do it totally together.  There is also a lot of drill review.  She uses Unifix cubes for these drills and it does seem to be increasing her speed.

Ten years ago, when we started homeschooling, using three different curricula in this way would have never occurred to me.  But it's working for her!  The constant change in methods and levels seems to actually help her.

If what you're doing is not working...try something new!  Mix it up!  Think outside the box to do what each individual child needs.  Isn't that why we homeschool?

Baby Bottle Drive

January and February are usually the months we put all our change into baby bottles.  The contents of these bottles go to support the local crisis pregnancy center, Carenet.  Our whole family has fun finding change in the cracks and crevices of the van and the couch, and we love watching the bottles fill up!

This year, though, we have a dilemma.  We are about to head out on a 4 month RV trip.  What does that have to do with spare change?  Well, when we are at campgrounds, the kids buy treats at the camp store with change we have saved up for that purpose.  We will also be in need of rolls of quarters for laundry.  We've been saving our change since our last camping trip, last July.

Think, think, think...what could we do, to make our usual donation AND have change for our trip?

Solution:  Count and roll all the change (hello, real life homeschooling!).  Keep the change and write a check for that same amount!

We ended up with $78.50 in rolled coins, plus some more partial rolls!  Multiply our gift, God, and bless the ministry of Carenet, please!

One Word 2015

I realize we're about halfway through January already (how did that happen?!), but I have had trouble choosing my One Word this year.  Several have rolled through my brain and heart for days, but one of those has come up in the sermon for the past two weeks, so I'm going to go with that one and look forward to how God reveals it to me through the entire year.

My One Word for 2015...

REDEEM.

The story of 2014...He makes all things NEW!

Before we get too far into 2015, I really need to recap 2014...

What a year!  In my 34 years of life, I believe in 30 years or so, this one will still stand out for me.  So many amazing happenings, I'm not sure where to start, so I think  chronological order will work best...  Oh, and my one word for the year was "New," so that will be spread through the year, also.

January started with a wait.  The kind of waiting that makes even phone-a-phobes like me keep their phone with them at all times, fully charged.  The kind of waiting that makes you wake up several times a night and check your phone, just in case.  The kind of unpredictable waiting that involves the unpredictable nature of childbirth.  January 6th, right as the buttcrack of dawn appeared, I got a text saying it seemed this would be the day we had been waiting for!  I arrived at my sister's house to find her vacuuming and cleaning with fast purpose.  By late afternoon, I was so privileged to be present for the birth of my niece, Marlee Medora.  This is the only birth I have been present for from "this end."  Marlee was born at home, in a warm pool of water, AND with the amniotic sac intact until the very last moment.  Truly amazing...and my sister rocks labor and delivery!  NEW life!

February brought the usual in our family...lots of birthdays.  Levi turned 7 and took a bunch of friends to The Lego Movie and for pizza afterward.  Noah turned 14 and had a couple of friends over for movies and junk food.  Hannah turned 9 and had a sledding party that ended up being attended by only homeschooled friends, though others were invited.  Nick...he turned 13.  If you know anything about our past with him, you know that we haven't seen him in person in over 2 years.  On a whim, we brought his birthday presents to him (without warning, so his mother couldn't make sure he wasn't there).  I was actually opposed to even trying, out of fear of disappointment for myself and the other kids.  However, Nick was home and his mother did allow him to come out and see us for 10 minutes.  It was only 10 minutes, but it was 10 minutes...and we were so thankful!  We have been communicating with him almost weekly via Oovoo.  Things will never be the same as they were before "that day," but at this point, we are thankful for having contact at all.  NEW hope!

March had us finishing up trip planning for an RV trip to Texas and back!  We left March 25th and were gone for 51 nights.  We stayed in campgrounds or in the driveway of friends or family members.  We had several day stops in Viriginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio.  We were in Texas for about 2 weeks. all the way from the Gulf Coast (High Island, TX) to DFW and Texarkana, where my husband has family.  It was the first trip to any ocean for the three little kids and me (Brian and Noah saw the ocean in Florida and Haiti when they went to Haiti in 2013).  One of the main purposes for our trip was to visit Brian's Granny in a Dallas suburb.  Unfortunately, there was some family drama when Brian's dad died.  We don't really understand why, but Brian's uncle hated Brian's dad and because this uncle is now taking care of Granny, he would not allow us to see her.  That was heartbreaking and there were many tears shed.  I will never understand...

All of April was spent on the road.  Amazing...  Part of why we took this trip was to see if we might want to be fulltime RVers once the 6 year legal thing got done.  We did, indeed, have this as one of our main plans, until something so clearly more awesome came up.  We did love our time in the camper together, and learned some things about what we wanted our next camper to have and ideas for longer trips in the future, even if the fulltime RV thing didn't pan out.  NEW dreams!

May brought us back home, the week after Mother's Day.  We were all exhausted, but proud of ourselves for doing something so big and kind of terrifying.  We did have some scary incidents, with tornadoes closeby, mountain travels, and a reoccurring fuel problem that we didn't figure out until months later.  NEW adventures!

When we came home, we realized that the house right next to my sister's new house was for sale.  But the whole house thing needs its very own post...so stay tuned for that!

June was not too exciting (sometimes, that's a good thing!).  We did loan our camper to my parents for an anniversary weekend getaway, and then got stuck at the campground for a few extra days when we went up.  The truck's fuel issues decided to flare up big-time and we ended up having parts overnighted to us from Buffalo and then my boys fixed it under the camper awning in the pouring rain.  Good times...

July...summer!  We had our usual week of VBS at church, where I was a crew leader for the first time ever.  The day that ended, we headed out to NW Pennsylvania, so Hannah could go to a new horse camp...Miracle Mountain Ranch.  She had a great time there and will definitely return!  We celebrated Brian's 6th tractorversary, the first one to fall on a Sunday, away from home.  Very nice...and we knew the end of the legal mess was coming soon!

August...my sweet Essie-Mae turned 6 and celebrated with a bowling party, which she won at the bowling league awards ceremony.  I started working for our church and Christian school, as treasurer's assistant.  My first paid position in my field!  Excellent learning opportunites for me in a wonderful environment, and I am thankful for that!  At the end of August, I graduated from Empire State College, with a Bachelor's of Science in Business, Management, and Economics, Concentration in Accounting!  This has been a very long journey and I am so glad to be done!  Who knows where God will lead me...  NEW horizons!

September started a new homeschool year.  The kids at home are in 9th, 4th, 2nd, and 1st grades.  What an adventure!  Soccer and Awana started back up, along with FLL (First Lego League...lego robotics), so our calendar was very full.  Hannah tried out the goalie position, which was terrifying to me, but she stuck it out all season and improved quite a bit!  Brave, strong girl...  Along with the business of fall, we spent all month going back and forth with offers to settle the 6 year thing.  Exciting and mentally/emotionally draining, all at once!  September 24th was the day we settled.  We got the call while we were on a homeschool field trip at Fort Stanwix...and I will never forget it, as long as I live.  Finished.  Done.  Finally!   NEW beginnings!

October...we bought a house!  More on that in the house post. ;)

November...we moved into that house!  More on that...

December...we have worked on making the house our own.  More on that, also!


It was a stressful year, with a lot of good mixed in.  When I think of the year as a whole, overwhelming gratitude is all that I come up with.  God has been good to us, so very good.  We don't deserve any of it, not really, and we are thankful.  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Happy New Year...and may the peace of God fill your heart and life with overwhelming joy and gratitude, also!

Over-thinking 8/20/12

An old post that couldn't be posted when it was written...thank you, God, for bringing us to a NEW season of life and no more watchers!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm really sick of having to over-think everything.  Life is complicated enough, trying to get everything done that needs to be done in a manner and by a person or people by whom every such thing can be done.  Yes, I am purposely being obscure (and obtuse?) here.

You see, that sheetrock did not do itself.  Of course not.  Apparently however, if I am going to mention something in passing (with which I was seeking to make more of a spiritual application than a literal physical one...again with the obscure...), I need to also make sure to be very specific about what was or wasn't done and by whom.

Or else just not speak/type/write at all.

Someday, this will be done.  Maybe then I can live without people watching my every move again.  Not that it will change one iota of my/our life.  Other than having to deal with deliberate obtusity (is that a word?  it is now.).

In the meantime.  I will not shut up.  I will not go away.  I will not cease to be me.  I will not stop living and talking about my life, either.  For you see, this blog is for me.  It's a somewhat creative outlet.  A journal of sorts.  A history of my life that my loved ones will be able to read long after I am gone. 

It's not about you.  It's not about Brian.  It's about me and about minute connections God allows between my life in the present and an eternal God who knows all things.  And sometimes...it's just about life.  Life as it is.  That's it.  I'm sorry if I forget to explain every detail of life in a way that leaves no one questioning anything ever.  No, scratch that...I'm actually not sorry.  So there.

So now I have a little story to tell you...please don't assume this story is actually about me, because maybe it is, maybe it's not.  But here it is...once upon a time, a room needed to be sheetrocked.  The man who lived in the house was not able to do the job himself.  He directed two pre/mid-pubescent boys in the destruction and disposal of the old sheetrock, but did not do the actual work himself.  At the store, the employees of said store loaded the trailer.  At home, the wife, son, and friend of the man unloaded the sheets of sheetROCK (hey, is this why they are so heavy??  I may or may not know from personal experience though.  Can't say.).  The man rented a sheetrock lift and had more friends come over to put the sheetrock up, along with the wife and son (again).  See, he was a smart man and knew that that sheetrock wasn't going to lift itself and neither was he going to be able to lift the sheetrock.  Not a lot of thought went into this, however, as the man has not been able to do such things for over 4 years now.  The sheetrock is still not complete (almost though!).  All readers of this story will rest assured that this man is still well aware that he cannot/may not/will not do this job himself, as he would have in the past.  See, this is the story of life now for this man...calling other people to help him out.  So when the wife wrote about this instance, she may have neglected to mention exactly how this sheetrock job was going to be completed, because for her, this is all just life now.  It's not even something that was thought about.  It's kind of a "duh" thing in this woman's house...as in...duh, of course this man who is not able to do these things is not the one doing these things.

Duh.

P.S.  He also never once climbed through the window.  He simply waited until the job (which he did NOT perform) was at a point where the plastic could come down.  And then?  He walked through the doorway, as he always does.  With a terrible limp and lack of balance.  But he didn't really notice that either...because this is just life for the man now.

What's in your heart to do?

 For those not in the know...here's a severely shortened and condensed list of what has happened in our lives over the past three months:

• A 6 year long legal process was finally completed.  It ended well.  God is faithful...and we are thankful!
• We bought a house!  Twenty-two days from first offer to closing...yes, whirlwind is an appropriate term.  This house also happens to be right across a driveway from my sister's house. <3 li="">
• We're moving!  Exciting and terrifying...both of my houses are currently in a state of chaos.  We are blessed and even looking forward to the many hours of working hard to make the house our own.  We plan to be sleeping there by the end of next week (eek! and squee!), amid the construction mess.

Update out of the way, I wanted to share a conversation Esther and I had...and the subsequent conversation God and I had.

We have known for a while that this time of great change was coming, but we didn't know then what direction we would be going.  We had a lot of good options in front of us and no clue which way to go.  One evening, as I washed dishes, my sweet girl approached me, wanting to know what she should write about in her notebook.  I told her she should write about anything that makes her happy, and that was a little scary for her, as she wanted me to tell her what to write about and not have to come up with it on her own.  I told her that writing was always a good thing, and whatever she wrote would be wonderful, if she did it from a pure, loving heart.  She eventually chose to write about the puppies (11!!) we were raising at that time.  As she walked away, God began to speak to my own heart...

We all have a lot of options in life, every single day.  Sometimes the sheer number of options is overwhelming, and we don't know which way to go.  I have often wished God would just get out His heavenly megaphone and tell me which direction to go!  Which car should we buy?  Which job should we take?  Where should we live?  What should we do?!  We want to please God, just as my little girl wanted to please me, and we think we need more specific direction in order to do that.  Wouldn't it make life simpler if every time we asked God a question, He just gave us a straight, clear answer?

But what if...what if God knows our hearts long to follow Him?  What if, though He surely knows the ultimate outcome, He wants us to take a leap of faith without having those straight, clear directions?  What if He just wants us to write the story?  What if He knows it will be great, no matter which choice we make from a pure, loving heart?  What if we let go of the fear and just did what He put in our hearts to do?

Texas Adventure...March through May 2014

A journal of sorts for our big trip this past spring...

March 24^th, Day 1…Off we go! 

March 25^th, Day 2...At the end of PA, we knew we weren't going to make it to Richmond without pushing too hard, so we decided to find a place to park and sleep for the night. We stopped at the Flying J in Winchester, VA (just barely over the border from W. Virginia), at about 10:30 PM. There weren't any parking spots for RVs that we could get into, but we just pulled into a non-spot next to someone else and conked out.

The camper battery can run the heat for a while. Or until 4 am. Whichever comes first. Fortunately, it beeps like crazy when it is running low, so we knew it was dying before it got really cold. Headed back out on the road at 5 am, by the time we all got awake and got fuel in the truck ($3.99/gal compared to our $4.55/gal in NY!). Arrived at our friend's at about 8:30 am, had a good day of relaxing and playing...and we're all ready for bed now.

March 27^th, Day 4…Virginia Science Museum!  Our friends have a membership and had guest passes.  The lady at the desk let the kids in for free and then I filled out a survey and got more guest passes to leave with our friends!  Nothing like a free field trip!

March 28^th, Day 5… We need to be heading south faster.  It’s quite cold (and rainy) still here in North Carolina.   List for tomorrow at the store includes silverware. I brought one fork. That's it. I thought we had a whole bag of plastic silverware and did intend to pick up some cheapo stuff at Walmart when we make it to one.  Brian and I shared the one fork and the kids slurped their mac and cheese without complaint.

March 29^th, Day 6…After getting 'home' from the very wet Asheboro zoo, Levi got absolutely soaked in a mud puddle (sorry, no pictures). I asked him, “What on earth were you thinking? Now your coat is all wet!” Levi says, “Mom. It’s a Rain. Coat. Raaaaiiiiiin. Cooooooaaaaaaaat.” Ha.  Also, Essie’s training wheel broke on her bike, so Brian took it off. And Hannah taught her to ride super quickly!

March 30^th, Day 7…Thank you, Blacksburg, South Carolina, for a lovely McDonald's with Playplace. Lunch, stretching of legs for little people, submitting of homework for me...  It's a lovely day for a drive! Blue skies, a bit too windy (but we are careful, Mom)...

April 2^nd, Day 10…Georgia Aquarium with a bunch of friends!  Totally awesome, exhausting day…and probably a once in a lifetime experience because it was pretty pricy!  Worth it, though, and I’m glad we went!  Sooo very glad we bought a wheelchair for Brian, so we don’t have to worry about renting one or feel like we’re taking one from some little old lady.  It’s much easier for us all to have fun when we’re not worried about how bad Daddy is hurting.

April 3^rd, Day 11…We arrived at Oak Mountain State Park and our friend brought out a fantastic feast for dinner!

April 4^th, Day 12…Monsoon has caused us to cancel our plans for the Birmingham Zoo.  Our friend suggested the McWane Science Museum instead, and it was a great day anyway!  Scary parking garage with a truck so wide and long as ours, but we did make it out.  There are many uses for labor breathing…
Dinner at our friend’s house…the yummiest chicken chili ever!  My kids were wild beyond reason though, and this particular friend doesn’t have any kids, so…well, I hope she still likes me. :D

April 5^th, Day 13…On our way to Corinth, MS!  The campground we booked is interesting.   There is no one in charge…you pay on the honor system using an envelope and a lockbox.  Was a nice peaceful place, though, and we’d stay there again!

April 6^th, Day 14…Church with Ilyssa (Gramma Becca had to work).  Love spending time with everyone here…and wish we never had to leave!
 I have a *lot* of big school stuff coming due. A small paper the 13th, two big hairy accounting problems the 13th and more the 20th, the 27th, and May 2nd, a large research paper the 17th, and a small research paper May 2nd.  Getting a little nervous about all this schoolwork and traveling…

April 7^th, Day 15…Having trouble finding all the parts they need to fix the brake issue.  Bolts all stripped out.  But glad my boys know what they are doing, and that I put money in the trip budget for repairs.   If we have to be stuck, this is the best place…with family!  Took Ilyssa out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant she liked to go to with their dad.  Boy, it’s so hard to leave here…always many tears…

April 8^th, Day 16…Finished up the truck repair and headed out.  Boondocked in a Texaco parking lot in Hattiesburg, MS, then drove through New Orleans today, crossed Lake Pontchartrain.  Land of many bridges, for sure!

April 9^th, Day 17…We went to the Greenwood Gator Farm and had our own personal tour.  A little pricy, but really great people and we all learned a lot about gators!  Swamp People is filmed at this gator farm, and the kids thought that was pretty cool.

L: These mosquitoes are as big as chickens!  Hannah, can you get my big book out of the truck?
H: No. The chicken mosquitoes...
L: If you die, can I have the top bunk?

I have a feeling this will be a new family joke.  The mosquitos here are seriously nuts.  And bug spray attracts them!

April 10^th, Day 18...relaxed at the campground all morning. Now hooking up and heading out...Orange, TX, here we come!  One awesome thing about camping...when you buy ice cream, it must be eaten before you move on. Kids loved their lunch!

Also, that moment when you're in Walmart and see someone you know out of the corner of you eye.  And then realize that you are 26+ hours from home and you don't know anyone here. Thankfully, before shouting out, "Oh, hey!"

April 11^th, Day 19…We went to Botanical Gardens in Orange with our friends.  Wonderful day…took a tour boat ride on Adam’s Bayou.  It’s so nice when everyone in the family has a friend all at one time…and it’s like we’ve all known each other forever!

April 13^th, Day 21…Church with friends (HUGE church!!).Their daughter was baptized today, which was neat! We had a picnic in the park with her family…on a very windy, but not raining (yet) day. Many tears from my girls when it was time to part ways. Goodbyes are not a fun part of this trip.  Heading out in the morning…

Brian dropped me off at McDonald's for 4 hours to get my schoolwork done.  Yay for free internet!

April 14^th, Day 21…Decided we were too close to the ocean to miss it!  We didn’t stay long (about 90 minutes?) because a storm was moving in and we were hoping to make it all the way up to Dallas today, but I’m glad we made the effort!  We found an open beach on High Island, TX.  Brian told the kids not to get dirty or wet, but was quickly reminded that dirty and wet are exactly what usually happen at the beach.   Our time was short, but wonderful!  The storm chased us from behind and our leaving the beach was good timing, too!
           Pulled into a campground after hours and knew immediately this was not the campground for us. This is our longest stay and there is NOTHING for kids to do. No playground. No free grass to run and play. No water of any sort (pool is not open for season). It's packed, though we didn't see anyone outside at all and it was only 7:00 (very odd for a campground). We came in after hours, but I'm going to see what we can do in the office tomorrow...all of the other ones have been great, though. If we're stuck with this one, we'll make do, I guess...  We are within walking distance of SuperTarget.  That was a plus. J

April 15^th, Day 22…We left the terrible city campground without normal camping type people.  Most expensive sleep of this trip…they kept our deposit, but did let us out of our reservation for the week.  And found the very best, family friendly campground…Wagon Master RV Park in Sanger, TX.  They didn’t actually have any spots open, but they gave us a great deal on an electric/water only site in front of the maintenance building.  They also have super internet, which will be handy since I have a paper due this week.         Fantastic views of a big, big North Texas sky…working alpaca farm, a lovely pool, great facilities, and plenty of room for the kids to ride their bikes!

April 16^th, Day 23…Speaking of bikes…Esther’s just pretty  much fell apart today.  So we went and got another one.  Glad our budget has a little wiggle room…
                Hung out with friends in Dallas today.  A little disappointed that we know so many people here but it looks like we’ll only get to meet one family.   It doesn’t look like we’ll get to see Granny, either, because she lives with Brian’s aunt and uncle, who are refusing to let us see her, for some unknown reason.

April 17^th, Day 24…We met two fulltime RV families today!  One is a missionary family with 6 kids (7^th on the way) and the other is a claims adjuster with AllState.  So cool!

April 18^th, Day 25… It was, overall, a good day. I mean, we didn't expect the Granny part to end well at this point.  The Dallas Zoo was great (except parking, but it is a holiday weekend…). The mister stations were awesome and the splash river thing came at just the right point in the day.

            I am injured. Right before we went in, I busted my knuckle hard on the truck. Yeah, black and blue and very tender. Not even sure how I managed that. Then in the zoo, Levi went off his rocker (he had gluten yesterday…ugh) and I was trying to calm him down when he bashed his head into mine so hard it moved my teeth. The bone below my eye hurts, but Brian can't see swelling.  It it feels swollen on the inside, but I don’t think anything is broken.  Eh. We’re at the halfway point of our trip. Could have been a better day.  But it could have been worse.  We went to Whattaburger for the first time ever…and hopefully not the last!  YUM!

         We are not going to see Granny at all.  Stupid family drama.  So very sad…she was the whole reason we started planning this trip. L  I wish I could explain it, but I don’t understand it at all…

April 19^th, Day 26…I ventured out to the store (Target) all by myself, near a large city, driving the big honking truck.  My first trip anywhere ALONE in 26 days.  I took my sweet time and in the end, had all of the goodies I needed for Easter, including a new Crockpot to make dinner in, since I left mine at home.  It was broken and I did need a new one anyway!

April 20^th, Day 27…Happy Easter!  We drove back into Dallas to go to church with our friends (and almost ran out of fuel on the way there…oops!).  After church, she gave us a package my mom and sister had mailed to her…perfect timing, as we were really missing home.  I don’t think we have ever missed a major holiday at home.  We were invited to have dinner with our friends, but decided to do our own thing at the camper instead.  I made scalloped potatoes and ham in the crockpot, fruit/pudding salad that Gramma Becca introduced us to in MS, and corn mushroom bake in the oven.  It came together pretty well, especially considering our tanks were full so we couldn’t dump anything down the drain.  After dinner, Brian occupied the kids while I hid clues for a treasure hunt.  The clues led them all over the campground, for a good workout, and ended with a basket for the whole family in the pool area.  Just as we were finishing up, the heavens let loose with a good ol’ Texas downpour.

April 21^st, Day 28…Headed for my honey’s hometown!  Texarkana, TX!  We were coming in just as storms were, and Noah actually spotted some rotation in the clouds unlike anything we see at home, but not quite a tornado, either.  We’ll be parking the camper at Brian’s cousin’s house.  His cousin is the same age as his mom, so she’s more of an aunt, really.  The kids will call her Aunt Cris.

April 22^nd, Day 29… We went absolutely NOWHERE today. Lovely! Met Brian's Aunt Laura.  Cris and I stayed up late and chatted. She's good people and I'm glad to finally meet her and her family!

April 23^rd, Day 30… Today, Cris took the girls and I to Hobby Lobby (scrapbooking supplies for the girls to do with Aunt Cris), Walmart, and Salvation Army (more books for Levi!). We also met Brian's cousin, Billy and his son, Trey. I am told Billy behaved better than he usually does. Hearing all kinds of stories...but what happens in Texas, stays in Texas, right?

It's hot as summer in NY here.   Will be hard to leave in a couple days.  Hate leaving family, even family we just met!

April 24^th, Day 31…Met Brian’s cousin LaDonna, and her husband and kids.  Wish we lived closer…the kids had so much fun together! <3 p="">

April 25^th, Day 32…Heading toward a tiny town near Bentonville, AR (aka Walmart headquarters).  Beautiful drive through Oauchita National Park.  Arrived at my friend’s house to find it the perfect place for kids to run wild and free.  Everyone got good and filthy!

April 26^th, Day 33…Went to the March of Dimes walk in Little Rock, AR.  My friend we are visiting had two preemies (28 weeks and 25 weeks), and then a third baby who went full term!  Celebrating life…and remembering those who didn’t make it.  Afterward, we went to the Little Rock Zoo.  Hot as blazes today…and I got pretty red and toasty!

April 27^th, Day 34…Tornado day.  We went to church with our friends, knowing big storms were moving in, and move in they did…shortly after we got home from church.  Thankfully, our friends are super experienced with this kind of thing, and the dad/husband is a trained first responder and search and rescue volunteer.  We put the kids down to bed inside and watched the waves of storms roll through.  We didn’t get hit, but Mayflower, AR did…only about 1.5 hours away.
                Got terrible news in email today.  A friend at home has lost their first baby, at birth.  So very sad…and we are so far away.  Awful, just awful.

April 28^th, Day 35…What. A. Day.  We should have split this into two driving days. Oops. Ended up being 9 hours in the truck, including 2 fuel/pee stops, 1 extra pee stop/mountain overlook, and stopping for dinner.  Route 7 through Arkansas/Missouri is an AMAZING scenic route (Ozark National Park). However, signs that read "crooked and steep road for the next 53 miles". Well, they didn't lie! And about 20 feet of guardrails for that 53 miles. Momma needed a Valium. THEN...we cleared that and found cross-winds. More than a bit scary, especially on a dumb bridge. Glad Brian knows what he is doing...and that God kept us safe.  Blue skies, no tornado threat today!

This campground (Lost Valley Lake Resort, Owensville, MO) is A.Maz.Ing. Seriously. We're not going to be able to do everything in just 3 days. But we will get to meet a friend and her three kids!  We definitely need to come back to this campground when Hannah is old enough to go on a trail ride (10, with an adult along on the ride, 14 to go on your own).

May 1^st, Day 38…Having a rough, emotional day. And fuel issues. We think we got bad fuel at our last stop (not a truck stop...).   Services for my friend’s baby are today, which we obviously can't be there for.  This is the very hardest part of being so far from home.  Sometimes, eyes are meant to leak, as we mourn with those who mourn... 
Finally parked in my friend’s driveway in Lebanon, IL…a nice break from campgrounds for a bit!  Celebrated good internet by writing my very last (ever!) college paper.  Kind of can’t believe I survived these 7+ weeks of school on the road!

May 4^th, Day 41…Had a great few days with a friend in Lebanon, IL, just over the border/river from St. Louis, MO.  We went to the City Museum one day, which was absolutely a.maz.ing!  Best place ever!  Also went to the Arch…which I’m kind of ashamed to admit I knew nothing about history-wise before now.  The kids earned their first Jr. Ranger badges at the Museum of Westward Expansion, and I’m sure I learned more than they did.  This visit was way too short…so much to do and not nearly enough time just hanging out with our friends!

May 5^th, Day 42…We encountered a boy (10ish?) and his mom at a truck stop. I don't know their names. It appeared mom had picked him up from school to take him somewhere, but she really had all their stuff packed in the back of the truck and covered up. He discovered it at the truck stop and refused to get in with her. He was on the phone with his dad and trying to tell him where they were so he could come get him. She called the police and they were in process of sorting it out while we were there.  My heart was heavy for them when we left.
            Longest, hottest travel day.  Had some fuel trouble and had to replace a little black box under the hood, thankfully warrantied because we just bought it in February.  Pulled into Little Farm on the River, Rising Sun, IN, just in time to go to bed.  We’ll be here for two days while we visit the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY.  Kids are free this year, with adult ticket purchase, and since Noah counts as an adult for this purpose, we basically have a BOGO deal…plus all tickets are good for two full days!

May 6^th, Day 43…So...the fuel issue was not fixed by the replacement of the warrantied box. Boo. There are a couple of other possibilities, but we are going to try to get home before addressing those.  A bit scary, but God continues to keep us safe!  This trip is a lesson in trusting God.  So many things are out of our control.

May 8^th, Day 45…We boondocked at Cabela’s in Columbus, OH.  Had to run the generator half the night to keep the food cold, the first time we have used it on this trip.  It was a little unnerving being alone in a huge parking lot in a city, but at about midnight, another camper pulled in.  Strangers, sure, but it definitely felt safer after that.

May 9^th, Day 46…Pulled into Pittsburgh KOA for their BOGO Mother’s Day weekend special!  Place is packed, as we knew it would be.  It’s a little weird to be around so many weekend campers…we have definitely passed that designation now.

May 10^th, Day 47…It’s been kind of a grumpy day.  This campground is packed and it has rained off and on all day.  We did get to visit my friend and her kids near Pittsburgh, and even went to a playground despite the gloomy weather.
            We’re all tired of moving so often.  According to my trip notes, we have stayed in 19 different locations.  Time to reevaluate why we decided to do this…and came up with the following list…
             1. To see some people we haven't met yet, visit some really cool places, and have some good times with family who live too far away. Accomplished, except for Granny.
             2. To finish a trip way longer than anything we have ever done before, and see whether we still want to do a waaaay longer one. Yep. We *can* do it! It's not all fun and games, but we do like it. A lot.
             3. To learn some about what full-time RVing is like. It's different than vacation. This trip has leaned a lot more toward vacation side than I anticipated, with the things we had planned and probably a little too much go-go-go at times. Longer stays will help with this, I think, and seeing people will not be as much a focus as it has been this time around. More downtime, more routine, more schoolwork...
As far as our goals...we've done well and learned A LOT. When we roll in our driveway Wednesday (God willing), we will have done what we set out to do. I'm pretty happy with that.

May 11^th, Day 48…Mother’s Day!  Noah and Hannah worked hard to make us breakfast bagels while we pretended to still be sleeping.  The girls had made beautiful cards with Aunt Cris in Texas, and Hannah had managed to squirrel away some Whoppers somehow.  Combined with some fresh wildflowers…it was a good day. J  Pulling out this afternoon to head a little closer to home!

May 12^th, Day 49…We visited a longtime friend and family in middle of nowhere Western PA.  She practically has a zoo…horses, chickens, goats, dogs, guinea pigs, rabbits, and who knows what else.  The kids were in animal heaven, and I’m very sure Hannah could live there with no trouble at all. 
               Right about bedtime, there was a tornado warning, which we knew about only because it came across Brian’s phone.  However, with no internet, we had no way to track the storm.  This campground has no staff on premises overnight, and I presume no tornado siren.  Extremely unnerving, but we (obviously) made it through the night just fine. 
                When we left the Jefferson, OH campground, we found the dump station already completely full, so we got to take our “crap” with us.  Crazy, since there was really no one else camping there and it’s very early in the camping season for the Northeast.  This place has serious drainage/high water table issues…for sure we won’t come back here.  I believe this is the only campground on this trip that I wouldn’t return to, so that’s not bad!

May 13^th, Day 50…Aunt Kathy’s house near Rochester, NY.  The little kids and I slept in the house.  Brian and Noah braved the hours of thunder and lightning in the camper.  Being with family feels almost like home…but tomorrow night, my own bed!!

May 14^th, Day 51…heading home!  Driving my van is going to feel like driving a smart car!

Reflections on Bible camp...

We just got back home from a week at Bible camp.  This is the second year we've gone, though the kids have gone to daycamp for 10 years now (well, Noah has...).  Some randomish thoughts on our time away...

• Sticks.  Literally as soon as we got out of the van, Levi had a stick in his hand.  Sticks are amazing.  God was thinking of little boys when He made them, that's for sure.  Sticks are multi-purpose tools, you know.  They can instantly transform between sword, gun, walking stick, golf club, shovel, and on and on it goes.  Levi was not alone in his stick-love, as we were constantly having to take them away from the day camp kids so that no one got accidentally clobbered.
• Dirt.  Lots of dirt.  I'm not sure if I should admit this, but none of my little kids had a shower or bath the entire week.  We did swim in the lake one day, and another day, the slip and slide involved dishsoap.  Filthy, happy little piglets, I mean...kids. And who cares?  After all, pretty much everyone there was just as filthy...
• Hills.  Holy hills, batman.  If you stuck by the camper and the main building like Brian, then you were safe.  I volunteered to help with the 1st and 2nd graders, though, and I do not want to talk about the hills.  So I won't.  Oy.  This is the reason we only went down to the lake once...because I almost died coming back up the hill.
• Falls.  Well, this involves the hills we didn't want to discuss anymore.  Roots and stones all over the hilly trails.  The swelling in my knee is finally going down from my fall.  I'm just glad I could get back up and I didn't break anything while taking 5 little girls to the bathroom.  Esther also had a crash on her bike (this is why I insist on helmets!!!).  I was picking mulch out of her teeth and gums for a while and she got a nice crash rash on her cheek and chin.  But...nothing broken and no stitches needed, so...it was still a good day at camp. :)
• Worship.  Worship with the kids during the day...worship in the services every night.  God is so good.  Really really good, blessing us with everything we need...  
• Bible memory.  As the helper for 1st/2nd grade, one of the main things I did was to help the kids memorize the verse of the day.  I love to make up motions to help the kids learn the verse and the  bonus for me is that after saying each verse 9,394 times...I have also hidden them in my heart!
• Missionary story.  At the pre-daycamp meeting, we discovered that though there was a "missionary story" time slot, no one had actually planned anything for the missionary story.  In a totally cool "God-incidence" (I don't believe in coincidences), I had packed one of my kids' favorite bedtime story books, Missionary Stories with the Millers.  I took over this section for the 1st/2nd grade, as well as choosing the stories for the other groups, and really, really enjoyed it!  I never thought I would be the primary person dealing with 25-30 kids...but it went well and I would be happy to do it again next year!
• Friends.  New friends.  Old friends.  Wonderful, encouraging chats as we sat in the shade.  Good stuff...in fact, one good friend had some very specific, encouraging comments I am holding onto and pondering.
• Food.  One of the very most awesomest things at Bible camp...NO COOKING!!!!  There is a kitchen crew and all the rest of us have to do is show up.  Last year, I cooked/baked an equivalent GF dinner, but this year, I went ahead and ate what everyone was eating, adjusting it the best I could.  Levi ate what he could and had a sandwich on Ezekiel bread if he needed more.  Of course, we brought a ton of snacks, but still...did I mention...no cooking for Momma!  Amazing...

God is faithful.  The road ahead of us is largely unknown (by us, not by God!). Bible camp was fuel for the journey, and I am so thankful for that.  Wherever you send us, God, we will go!

Overwhelmed...

Did you ever just look around you, look at all of the blessings in your life, and become overwhelmed by thankfulness for all God has given you?

No, life is not perfect.  Sometimes circumstances are downright rotten.  Circumstances are really not that important, though...always changing and rarely pivotal.  But the BLESSINGS!!!  Oh, the blessings...they far outnumber the hard things...

Thank you, God, for my family and my life.  You didn't have to give me anything, yet You continually pour out blessing into my life!  All I can ask is that You would let me be a blessing to others...that I could be your hands and feet in this world so full of need and pain.  Let me love as I have been loved, to bless as I have been blessed...

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. 
As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field; 
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more. 
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-- 
with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. 
The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all. 
~Psalm 103:13-19~

From the climbing tree...

I heard the tail end of a conversation my 3 little monkeys were having up in the tree..must save for future wedding embarrassment.

L: It's not a bad word! SEX. SEX. SEX. Not a bad word.
E: Yes, it is! MOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOM!
Me: It's not a bad word, but it's not something for kids to discuss with other kids. If you have questions, you talk to a parent.
E: But not Dad. He doesn't know anything about that.

Don't break the...child!

Ever have a parenting moment you aren't proud of?  With 5 kids, I've had more than I count, unfortunately. 

There is one that stands out and I have tried to never forget.  Back in 2009, when my Hannah was only 4, I made arrangements with friends to see the bands Superchick and Barlow Girl a few hours from home.  We had a great time, spent the night in a hotel room with lots of friends (like a great big sleepover!), and then were saying our goodbyes in the parking lot.  Pictures are necessary for these kind of goodbyes, of course. 

At one point, Hannah wanted to take a picture and I reluctantly allowed her to take my precious camera to do so.  "Be careful!" I said, but I neglected to fasten the wrist strap on her tiny little wrist.  Hannah took the picture and was so proud of herself.  I'm sure you can see where this is going...she dropped the camera on the hard, wet blacktop.

My response?  I am ashamed to say that I snapped at her for her carelessness (which was really childishness, fitting for a 4 year old), rushed to my camera, and found it damaged beyond repair (I thought...Brian was able to make it work again once we got home).  Then...I cried.  Over a camera.  And yelled at my baby again.

Later, I felt horribly guilty about my behavior and I did apologize.  Like any young child, Hannah was quick to forgive me, and I tried to do better from then on, thinking before reacting and such.  You know, act like a grown-up in control of my emotions...

She never mentioned it again.  Until last night, at the second concert of her life...Francesca Battestelli.  Before we left, she asked me if she might be able to take a few pictures at the concert and said, "I promise I will be careful and will put the wrist strap on so I won't drop it like last time."

My heart sunk to my toes at that moment.  She forgave me, but she remembers. Her little girl heart soaked up that moment and even with the forgiveness she gave freely, those words I said were still there for her heart to hear almost 5 years later.  Her eyes told me she could still feel the failures of that day.  I apologized once again for my rotten Mommy moment and told her of course she could take some pictures.  I also told her she should be careful but even if there were an accident, it was just a camera and she is far more special to me than any stupid electronic device could be.  And I meant it.

That camera...was already two years old when it broke.  It was my very first digital camera, given to me by my mom before Levi was born in 2007.  I replaced it soon after this incident, and have replaced that one, too!  I have learned to always buy the Square Trade warranty from amazon.com, and I hope I have learned to hold much less tightly to things that can be replaced and to use the highest standard of care for my children, who can never ever be replaced.  The heart of a broken child is far harder to fix than a broken camera, and impossible to replace.

One Word...New

I've been thinking for a couple of weeks about my "one word" for the year.  This is the word I feel that God has given me, a word to inspire my life for the next year.  A word that will affect the decisions I make, the way I parent, the kind of wife I am, the plans we make for the future.  I've learned from the past couple of years that this word is one I will return to throughout the year, in the good times and the bad.

My word this year is...new.

This is what the LORD says-- he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters,  who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:  "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a NEW thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.  The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen,  the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise.
~Isaiah 43:16-21

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.  And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.  So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation; the old has gone, the NEW has come!  All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:  that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
~2 Corinthians 5:14-19

God, I ask you to do NEW things in me and through me this year.   Help me to see the world through new eyes and with a new heart...Your eyes and heart.  Be glorified in all that I say and do, Father...

Music of 2013 and 2014

The song that most represented 2013...

Carried by Your constant grace,
Held within Your perfect peace.
Never once did we ever walk alone.

~Matt Redman "Never Once"

The song that has chosen me, going forward into 2014...


"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"
Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hillsongunited/oceanswherefeetmayfail.html

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine