Everything

Everything falls apart.
Cars.
Houses.
Bodies.
Families.

We can't hold any of it together in our own power.
I can't hold any of it together.

For many years, I mourned the loss of the vision I had of a "whole family."  Without my Bible study ladies, I doubt I'd have made it through those years.  But I did.

And just when I started to accept that my little, imperfect family was just right...BAM.  Gone.  G.o.n.e.

We can see him now.  For 4 hours a week.  With supervision.  IF his mother lets him come.

Even when he is here, it's abnormal.  Nothing fits.  We're all nervous.  She knows she can do as she pleases, and he...my little boy...he has changed.  He's not really a part of us anymore, even though he always will be.

Somehow, the six of us have got to get our feet under us again.  We've got to learn to live without him.  The Nick-sized hole in our lives is tearing us all to pieces.

We are not okay.
And I can't hold any of it together...